This sounds like me waking up in the morning. I like it. Earthy, mysterious, a bit threatening and sinister. Amend spelling of 'grotesque' and it'll be there.

my names dustin, this must be about me! im sorry i treated you so horribly! please forgive me, lets make love right now!

Whatever you do, don't throw it out. There is a poem in there. put it on the "back burner" for a while.

Somehow I see the need for the length, yet feel it could lose alittle weight. I'm just not sure where. You could Haiku the closer and eliminate the rest, saying the same thing. I do like it as is though.

the backwards letters are pointless. fix the spelling.

You're finding your ears. Repeating the sounds of vowels is called assonance. Repeating the sounds of consonants is called alliteration. There's no problem with taking a rap-style approach to poetry, I would still recommend studying (proper) poetry. It will help you say what you are intending to. Like I recommend to many others, get a copy of: Poetry for dummies. I have one. It's easy to understand and a great basic tool.

Very Funny I like it

I like the honesty. It feels good.

Speaking from the majority pretending conservitive right. HELL YA! I like it. its honest.

Sorry mate. I jt dont get it.

This is interesting, at least it makes a good read.

WOW I totally dont get it. But thats nothing new Haiku frequently confuse me. However it is fun to read

Hmmm, You had me right up to "Placental Debris" over all not bad, but not great either. It kinda sounds like your pissed about something. If thats the case get in touch with that because it doesn't really show here.

i m just a beginner

it looks like a computer randomly generated this from a livejournal. And Apu said "Come Again"

'are gone with the people them for'? Do you mean 'they're'? One thought doesn't lead to another in this poem. How do you 'have' another person's dreams? Unless you're spookily in their head at the same time as them. Yipe. Gosh I'm grumpy today.

I must be grumpy today, because although I can see the humour in 'Emotion-/Phenomenal at 5', it seems like a special pleading defence for whacking another kid. 5 year-olds know it's wrong and emotion just ain't an excuse. It's much more accurate to say that 5 year-olds bean each other because they enjoy it.

Is this a satirical rendering of what a self-obsessed poet would say about himself? I hope so. Otherwise, this is pompous and self-regarding and you should think about somebody else for a while.

Very very funny - a cunning tale! I don't know if Strunk & White's grammar is different from Fowler's, but "someones'" should be "someone's" and "murderers" should be "murderer's". But hey! Who cares? This made me laugh, and that's a great thing in a dismal world.

I'm being picky, but there's a bit of a mixed metaphor here - the fence and the door. Do fences have doors? Wouldn't a gate be better? You'd need a new rhyme - you could say 'I didn't want to be hurt again' and gor a for a para-rhyme. But anyway... So much for my wisdom.