<{Baba^Yaga}>
on some deleted poem
19 Apr 2004, 8:26 PM
What if you are me, and I'm really you, and we are staring at each other through a metaphorical chunk of steaming dry ice? -=WHAT^WAS=-
I would just like to add an 'EMPHASIS' to the word 'steaming' think of a goat turd at 20,000 feet, piping hot.
actually kinda cute. reminds me of strongbad.
it is not my heart speaks? or is it You speaks? I'm confused, but it seems either way it must be wrong. very confusing all around.
over-lit, I think.
doesn't do enough for me, though it does seem to be a start, the more I ponder on it. I think undulating may be less descriptive of the jersey city night than befits its number of syllables. But I really don't have any suggestions--just my reaction.
This is just really bad.
interesting. I don't think you've caught me with your flow, but I don't have any suggestions.
way to much drama here, sounds like you are trying really hard to be cool, bad and tough. Didn't flow at all for me, maybe a rewrite would work here, doubt it though.
some deleted user
on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac
20 Apr 2004, 1:16 AM
what the hell is this????????
Although good, I have serious doubts that you actually wrote this. Did you have some help?
Come on, are you serious with this crap?
'the faces noeone sees' nope - you see them for a start and I am assuming the situation is public view so so do a lot of other people.
A satchel of pump.
Well you sound like a first class dunce, and this is pure crap.
You are not fucking serious with this are you? Please tell me that you do not consider this poetry? This is the longest piece of dribble I have ever seen. Give it up, the sooner the better.
i don't think that "passed" should have its own line... it's not an action word like "interact." otherwise i like it, last line and all
each time i read it i'm liking it better... the sign of a good poem