I don't like the last stanza. up until then, i had 10.

Judith Chalmers

Bulging with a bum-like idiocy.

Fantastic use of "twitching" to rhyme with "itching" and "bitching"!!!1 -10-

WARNING: HIDDEN LEWD ALERT!!!!!!!! "Cold and white... stiff and dry... some... new...d... have her... Or...a...l...l...y... deep...ear... re...ming bit..ing... her ...chin ...finger...ing... her...aking...rug she’s taking... It... a...n...all...y... b..ake... his dar...t i...m ...very t...ight -10-

Attn: Nicholas Jones - Why do you think this poem deserved a 2, rather than a 1 or 0? Was it the line "I feel an unbearable ache"?

beautiful

The way the poem is laid out reminds me of a song by "Lit." You understand it to mean different things until the entire sentence is sung. " You make me come You make me complete You make me completely miserable." I think it was their only good song. Your poem is better because of all the bodies in the tree house (pine box?).

Is this about new found land?

I have breasts in my new one too.

Are you one of dem serial killers?

How many damn visions does erick get?

My thesis made excessive use of spelling sinister (and yes, slightly gay) messages with the first letters of each line. I win.

Fails to describe what a tripped-out freak street-poet you are. -0-

"To put it as humanly possible" needs at least two more words to start making sense.

I think writing poems about eccentric women is totally great and easy to boot. Do you know the band Train? One of their songs is entirely about the eccentric things this woman named Virginia or Idaho or something does. If you try to say, "wait, women don't really do those things," Train just says, "well, Virginia does. It's real specific, see?" Trust me, I've tried telling them before and it was an enormous disaster. But seriously, one of the things Virginia does is "wears high heels when she exercises." And half the people who hear it are like, "oh man, she's exactly like some woman I know! Train is such a great observer of human behavior!" Bullshit. I mean, come on, people! High heels? Jesus!

I don't just blab about this to anyone, but some of us at poemranker have devised a secret tool for writing really great poems, and I think it could really help your own poemwriting. It's called the "John K Rhyming Dictionary For Beginners" and it's posted at the following link: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=97250 I would definitely visit that page and add it to my favorites if I were you. Thanks, and keep on writing! You're welcome.

Since you're in CA, I'm sure "Washington woman" means she's from the state of Washington. I've always heard other West Coasters consider Washingtonians the toothless rednecks of the West. Is that true? I'm especially interested because I'm from Seattle and I was horrified at how quickly my parents turned into typical Southern white trash when they moved to North Carolina.

very strange, just htought you need a vote, 7 it entertained me

You're getting better. Just try not to force the rhymes so much.