| Re: Withering Rose by Imago |
26-Oct-04/4:44 AM |
i think that the home/beauty line is the best in the poem. it makes perfect sense to me...that where beauty has made residence, it will never stay, but always move on to find new residence. Beauty does not construct, but rather make "something" her home. I think it works.
whether this is true or not, I cannot exactly say, nor do I particularly care.
I like the theme, and I think the language is well used in some parts, but, overall, I think you need to pull in the reins a little, as much of this feels over the top, but perhaps the "floweriness" of the language is apt after all. what the fuck would i know?
anyway, i think the ending is good, if a bit overplayed and somewhat cliche.
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| Re: Old Friends by breeza123 |
26-Oct-04/4:30 AM |
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| Re: Who is deserving of all my love by zodiac |
26-Oct-04/4:08 AM |
this is excellent. In stanza 8 perhaps you mean flinch when you write flich? or is flich a word I have never heard?
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| Re: Women by Bakar |
25-Oct-04/8:05 PM |
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| Re: Lost by Sweet Cheese |
25-Oct-04/7:54 PM |
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melancholic? sweet cheese is a good name.
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| Re: Jesus in a leisure suit by Imago |
25-Oct-04/7:08 PM |
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| Re: The Ebony Orchid of Theta by Shardik |
25-Oct-04/11:55 AM |
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| Re: A Great Story by Krys |
16-Sep-04/9:24 AM |
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absolutely the worst pile of dried alphabits i have ever read
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| Re: Hand Job by unnesessary |
16-Sep-04/9:23 AM |
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| Re: Coward has a tail by LintyWeenis |
16-Sep-04/9:22 AM |
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i dont know. but lintyweenis is probably the best screen name on the site.
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| Re: Overheard in a crypt: by fevriere |
16-Sep-04/9:18 AM |
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| Re: Band Ten Hut by LintyWeenis |
16-Sep-04/9:06 AM |
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| Re: Parting at Morning by Sasha |
16-Sep-04/9:03 AM |
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i like it. I would kill the rep at the end, but i can see its impact.
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| Re: Soft and Pure by Dovina |
10-Sep-04/10:17 AM |
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| Re: Marina by INTRANSIT |
5-Aug-04/1:18 PM |
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| Re: Navy Pier by Doug |
5-Aug-04/1:15 PM |
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| Re: Mushroom Potion #9 by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
2-Aug-04/11:10 AM |
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a modern skillet, dripping with fried pimples
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| Re: peanut butter sandwiches on a hot summer day by w~* ATHENA *~w |
25-Jul-04/7:30 AM |
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did you spread it on toast? or did he shoot it in too deep?
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| Re: Poor Unwritten Rabbit by Dovina |
20-Jul-04/10:03 AM |
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why illumine and not illuminate?
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| Re: Four and a half paragraphs of silence by ?-Dave_Mysterious-? |
20-Jul-04/9:45 AM |
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