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Marina (Haiku) by INTRANSIT Early morning fog
filters through tall masts waiting
brushing tight furled sheets
Up the ladder:
Shut the fuck up and fix me a Scoobie snack.
Down the ladder:
What I know of monsters
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.6363635
Posted: August 4, 2004 4:49 PM PDT; Last modified: August 4, 2004 4:49 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.818182 Overall Rank: 1643 Comments:
i think the masts are waiting and the fog is brushing. "Tall, waiting masts?" or is the fog waiting and brushing? Great images.
wouldn't the masts be brushing the sheets, then? I see what you mean. are commas allowed in Haiku? Maybe the tall masts are brushing their teeth. dunno.
I think that Zodiac once(perhaps more) refered to me as a "dimtard.' If that comment had been in regard to my comment on this poem, I would have to agree. Yeah, I see what you mean about the masts brushing. Don't know about haiku commas but there should be a natural caesura at the end of each line. If I had read more carefully, I might have caught the masts waiting and the sheets brushing. Too much lack of Alcohol last night. Three weeks and counting the seconds.
You might be right on the caesura. Close call. It feels a bit enjambment heavy maybe. Getting sober?
No, not sober. I have just stopped drinking alcoholic beverages forever, for the third time in twenty years. As for enjambment, Haiku is so rigid that it begs for it in order to make any sense.
too much
Here. Let me douse this "poem" with the only score that actually befits such a pompous fog.1
I don't agree with the score, but your comment, mocking at it's finest.
I give you a 10. 273 view(s)
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Try "Peace that Passes Understanding" again and see if my explanation makes sense. I'd like to know.
Very little action on Poemranker today. I mean by users who don't call themselves "not Dovina."