Other № 114175
Withering Rose
Someday all monuments will fall
all statues crumble and paintings fade
all roses wither in the fall
for in no home that beauty made
has beauty ever stayed
Oh my magnificent rose
the autumn leaves around you
soon summer windows close
and this the state i've found you
far from the glorious days of spring
of childrens laughter and humming bees
when in the meadow robins sing
and chipmunks chuckling in the trees
and your beauty as gentle as the breeze
How time has shown it's presence
Crows have perched upon your temples
those singing birds, now become pheasants
and I see creases in your petals
In my nostalgic eye a drop of dew adorns
for there's still silk in your petals and milk in your stem
and fire in your thorns
and what can be made of them
of which winter will soon condemn
And still such a sweet smell
Your fragrance. Tis like an aura
Your skin though darkened I can tell
still more radiant than other flora
So what shall my worried heart say to thee
My lovely withering rose
What poetry can serve memory
or music be composed
to keep you in bloom eternally
for dreams are made for those
who stand among the autumn leaves
mourning the withering rose
6 comments
I somewhat agree with you on stanza 4 but the trick is to show the argument between what fondly was and what bitterly is. I'm not arguing with you though. Just thought I'd explain myself. Your critique is very useful. Thank you
whether this is true or not, I cannot exactly say, nor do I particularly care.
I like the theme, and I think the language is well used in some parts, but, overall, I think you need to pull in the reins a little, as much of this feels over the top, but perhaps the "floweriness" of the language is apt after all. what the fuck would i know?
anyway, i think the ending is good, if a bit overplayed and somewhat cliche.
It is one of my more sappier pieces. You guys give great critiques that an artist can truely learn from.
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