on some deleted poem
30 Sep 2005, 2:49 PM
I really think you could have made this better...
on Of the Lady on the Bridge by Verse2Verse
30 Sep 2005, 2:58 PM
I'd leave off the opening statement...and then proofread it..."to this to this shadowy bridge"? I'm guessing a typo...
on some deleted poem
30 Sep 2005, 3:02 PM
Heaven showed it's furry?! How rude...
On a serious note, you might want to proofread...(i.e. - furry should be fury) and maybe think over a few lines such as the first.
On a serious note, you might want to proofread...(i.e. - furry should be fury) and maybe think over a few lines such as the first.
on After her storm (draft) by Caducus
2 Oct 2005, 8:13 PM
Lovely as always.
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2005, 8:15 PM
shorten it a bit and "the power over the stove" bit is awful.
on Why I’m Homeless by Dovina
2 Oct 2005, 8:18 PM
mmm...not your best, dear.
on some deleted poem
2 Oct 2005, 8:24 PM
Sometimes repetition can work...this is not one of those times. There's just too much of it here.
on Through Your Eyes... by jlynnwall
2 Oct 2005, 8:25 PM
waaaay too much repetition.
on False Reality by jlynnwall
2 Oct 2005, 8:26 PM
I like shades of drawn conclusions. Keep working on it.
on some deleted poem
3 Oct 2005, 1:19 PM
A good love poem and I love "jobless Mensa Members". It kept my attention for a while but then drifted off. Maybe if you shortened it a bit...
on Escape by Heather Dee
3 Oct 2005, 1:25 PM
Try saying it without the restriction of rhyme. As another recent poem states...rhyme is wholly overrated.
on capital punishment by hendrimike
3 Oct 2005, 1:27 PM
Try adding some punctuation to make it a little easier to read. Also, proofread. "Sentenced me to", not too.
on I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil
3 Oct 2005, 1:32 PM
Rhyming is overrated. This is a good poem about that, but it's just not that interesting...sorry.
on Lost (not a poem) by Caducus
3 Oct 2005, 1:35 PM
This just doesn't have the...i don't know...vagueness I've come to expect from you. It didn't make me think. There's some good lines here but I think it could benefit from you MAKING it a poem.
on Idle by MacFrantic
3 Oct 2005, 1:37 PM
There's a song on the new Death Cab For Cutie album that this kind of reminds me of I think because of the simplicity and the signs...it's called "I will Follow You Into the Dark". This, I'm sorry tom say is not as good as that, but not a bad effort.
on Ode to the Sun by TLRufener
3 Oct 2005, 8:53 PM
work on it and tighten it up a bit and this isn't too bad. As it stands - 7.
on Small Furies by Enkidu
4 Oct 2005, 8:14 PM
pretty good story...wouldn't surprise me if it were true. I don't like the title, though...it's almost doubling up since Satan is widely regarded to be the devil and vice versa.
on The chestnut by richa
4 Oct 2005, 8:17 PM
not bad, rich, not bad at all.
on A Light in the Dark by Verse2Verse
4 Oct 2005, 8:25 PM
It started out okay but then just sort of meandered into mediocrity. Shorten it up and try saying what you want to say with less.