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Why Iâm Homeless (Free verse) by Dovina Straight-laced and clean
theyâd expect
scruples
intelligence and fun.
Good smelling clothes
say to the world:
considerate of women
banterer with men.
But in this sadder, better role
any gesture:
wisdom or kindness-
appears magnified.
Any pleasure
offered in return
I take as alms
truly meant.
Up the ladder:
C.
Down the ladder:
Your Mom, My Dad
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.6
Posted: October 2, 2005 12:32 PM PDT; Last modified: October 2, 2005 12:32 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.190725 Overall Rank: 4684 Comments:
[6]
wilco @ 66.61.101.130
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2-Oct-05/8:18 PM
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Reply
mmm...not your best, dear.
Everyone has a home. You've just got to find it.
not the homeless. :(
Are you talking about the houseless or the apartmentless or the caveless or maybe the cardboard boxless. :P
Drop the colons. Great.
Yeah, I think dashes would be better.
I think nothing would be better.
That reminds me: drop the dash after kindness.
Punctuate, don't punctuate - : Can't you ever be consistent?!:-
Are you joking? I mean don't punctuate where it's unnecessary and punctuate where it is. Have you ever tried checking your poems in prose format? I.e.,
But in this sadder, better role any gesture: wisdom or kindness - appears magnified. Actually, it seems to me like commas would work best. Sorry to be such a predictable homebody.
We love you that way.
What image are you going for? Where is the image? That's all.
To see someone and picture what he thinks. That's all.
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