Re: a comment on Cancer Haikus by poetandknowit	19-Oct-02/10:23 PM
There is absolutely not a single ounce of angst in these writings.
Re: a comment on Cancer Haikus by poetandknowit	19-Oct-02/7:21 PM
Please, give me the 15 year old prespective of this issue. Tell me, in this limited context, should I have been more dramatic, or simply let the actions that occur speak for themselves? From the perspective of a POA it might be a different situation, you know. Please, enlighten me on what the experience of this is truly like. These all came from a dream. There are now 100 of them and this is only a sampling. But your input would be most helpful since it it plainly obvious that I haven't a clue as to what I am talking about.
Re: Loosed by <~>	18-Oct-02/2:26 PM
I am not a big fan of asking questions in poems. Te me a poet has figured something out, gained some clarity or understanding from questions posed and that forces the writing. You seem to still be pondering something and maybe the poem is there. I really like the last stanza and the implied usage of the "what's in a name" is most excellent, but I still think this is a work in progress.
Re: Hunt by cobalt	18-Oct-02/2:22 PM
Some of the images are a bit confusing. "greener than leaves" hunting season is in the fall when the leaves are changing, so this loses me. why is he blinded. Did he hit himself with the recoil? "uncradled slivers of blue shoot heavenward" is confusing. I think I know what you are saying, but it is not necessarily coming across.
Re: Fact About the Wind by Ninoy_Instigator	18-Oct-02/2:15 PM
She must be exceptionally light. "We talked a little" sounds like small talk, but then you express your deepest love. I would work on that line a bit. It comes off a bit awkward. And also try to remove the passive phrasing in exchange for active voice. It should help the poem move along better and keep the reader more in tune.
Re: sex by Limness	18-Oct-02/2:11 PM
tug just ruins this. and you are easy!?
Re: a comment on ending by Limness	16-Oct-02/2:47 PM
I take great offense to this. I am the great defender of the haiku. Had you read any of my previous defenses you would know that and not make a comment such as this.
Re: like love in the movies by crin	16-Oct-02/10:05 AM
Good title for rubbish. How dare you draw me in and then present this. I am offended. Are you in advertising?
Re: a genius by moonUnit	16-Oct-02/9:52 AM
I thought this was going to be good but it fell apart line by line until it pooped out in horrific fashion at the end.
Re: The Way It Is by Tascobar	16-Oct-02/9:50 AM
Fat kids get what they deserve. The title is a Bruce Hornsby song not a haiku title.
Re: On a chill morning by razorgrin	16-Oct-02/9:39 AM
You could remove like 10 words from this poem and make it better, but ramble on.
Re: a comment on One Country by poetandknowit	16-Oct-02/9:37 AM
I would love to know who gave this a 3 and why. Have you no balls to critique my poem after such a low vote. Please come back and give me your grand insight.
Re: THE DEFENSE RESTS by horus8	15-Oct-02/7:39 PM
I think if this poem were upside down, it would make a good deal more sense. Or a least if you worked out the typos and grammar whacks out of the last stanza. Poor overworked public defenders. They are fighting for and justice for all, you know. They probably had slept in two weeks for all the fuzz bumping. If you wouldn't have been caught like a good criminal you would not have been in that situation. So are you a bad criminal, unskilled???...by the way is that really a big bulge.....ummmm. yummy.
Re: The Set Back by horus8	15-Oct-02/7:30 PM
Once this poem gets going I do not mind it so much. It is just the first part reminds me of loneshadow (albeit much better) and I just couldn't get past that.
Re: Birth in the Valley of Liquor by horus8	15-Oct-02/7:26 PM
I know you rock and roller, spoken word types are all over the place but this takes the cake. There are some fantastic fucking-blow-me-away images in here and some shit (I don't like the first three stanzas). I like the mix of realism and magic realism, but at times, you completely lose me. But it worked. I am off to the bar.
Re: a comment on Recess by horus8	15-Oct-02/12:36 PM
who is beverly d'angelo?
Re: a comment on One Country by poetandknowit	15-Oct-02/10:26 AM
Yes, but no matter how much dirt I swallow. How many nights I stay there, how many books I read of there, I will never be it. And there in lies the poem. Doan is a photographer. The "house: is a reference to his series "Dream House" where he places women in their most beautiful sense into a place where he can only go with his camera, which in this case is a reflection of his mind. It cannot be real. The to is "to you" but I dropped the "you" down. I had both out, but then I thought the reader would think the narrator was "humming." Suggestions? Does it work without? I am not sure of the song title, but I will dig it up. And yes INTRANSIT both Mendoza and La Rioja are near wine country (although Chile makes much better wine) and are agricultural hubs of Argentina. Much like the San Joaquin Valley is an agricultural hub in the states, but not wine country. There is an intended parallel. That is where the title comes in.
Re: a comment on One Country by poetandknowit	15-Oct-02/9:58 AM
The stitches are long gone, but the scar is still healing. It remains to be seen. But there are other scars.
Re: a comment on One Country by poetandknowit	15-Oct-02/9:56 AM
No matter who the poem is written for is should come across. If it is not doing that, even with work on the reader's part, and I believe this does require a bit of work, it fails. The Spanish is taken directly from a tango. GW passed along a station that I have become quite fond of in these passing days of October. The tango is by Carlos Gardel and quite lovely. Besides a bit of Spanish, bringing a bit of Latin American history to the table will not hurt. And the best to you on celebrating the last year of a decade.
Re: a comment on One Country by poetandknowit	15-Oct-02/9:29 AM
I was trying to let the poem speak for itself. And my body aches from a long weekend to the point where I could not work yesterday and thus was away from you.