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One Country (Free verse) by poetandknowit You are standing in Doan's house,
built strong to fight the upslope in
an alluvial valley west of Fresno,
hidden from the desert by fading hills
revealing secrets one year at a time.
In this place we can meet
without discretion,
where harvest ended long before
these early days of October when
darkness does not bend
troubling even stars
navigating from horizon to horizon, and
the wind's new chill still feels thick and fertile
blowing past fields barren in bounty.
In this dream, I can
wrap my arms around
you as the woman in a photograph
I found on a street some years ago of
a place I have never been, although now
it is Mendoza or La Rioja, and you are
staring away from the camera all the
while knowing it is there.
In this dream I come as
teacher and apprentice to
you humming with Gardel's birdsong
in the kitchen heat,
sweat lights your skin,
En unos labios ardiente
dejar una promesa
hips swaying, arms kneading
flat dough for semolas
quiero calmar los enojos
siempre mintiendo amor
and sweet bread bakes in the oven
In this place I have bent to my knees,
prayed for disappeared
mothers and stolen sons,
swallowed the dirt of your country,
just to feel a part of you.
Up the ladder:
What's Poetry
Down the ladder:
haunting
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0689654
Posted: October 13, 2002 11:43 PM PDT; Last modified: October 14, 2002 7:35 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.0663223 Overall Rank: 1183 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[10]
god'swife @ 209.179.211.134
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14-Oct-02/12:25 AM
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Reply
Pero si no calmas los enojos. Me dejas ardiente, y deciendo el olvido. Cuantas veces en una sola vida sabre este dulce estar?
"Siempre mientiendo amor" really speaks to my conscience right now. Love is so frgile and dependent on the actors to sustain the illusion. If one decides not to play along anymore, the illusion is broken. I love our back and forth. It is a creative and satisifing business.
Quite the impressive piece,sir. Um, my skills are not at this level yet but I tripped over "still feels and think fertile". A typo maybe? I felt the presence of a winery. I enjoy watching you and god's wife banter.
It's funny and I learn small things too. Thanks.
Quite right, quite right. Still a baby And in progress. Thanks for the catch.
Sorry P&K, are you referring to this piece being a baby or me? I'd hoped my level was above "baby", but then my emotions some times suggest otherwise. "One country" seems far from being a baby. OY! I talk too much.
he only just finished it. you are no baby, sir. not to put words in p&k's mouth, or sweetbred or anything else in his mouth, for that matter...
You're a riot Z. And I'm starting to see Dark Angels humor too. Thanks for the vote of confidence;)
And what is Dark Angels humor?
You seem to enjoy ripping others poetry to get them to rip you back. Trying to draw people out n stuff. You like playfull and slightly mean verbal jousting. Am I wrong? If so, please define your humor for me so I don't go round assuming the wrong things.
Your over sensitive nature is amusing. Baby as in poem. It is quite a new sort of thing; as first draft as my first drafts go.
You are the lowest kind of tart.
Here, here.
Happy birthing!,then.
'barren in bounty'--'barren, late of bounty'? the birdsong is a beautiful touch, as are the lips and hips and the promise of both. your aim is indeed true.
Viva la France
We are good together. Despite the logistics, you have mixed somehow with my blood. You capture my core. We have our affinity. I am grateful to find you here, and in a sweet and strange way, I love you.
Poetandknowit, why do you hoard your answers like they're bones? Please write. Real mail would be nice. You own my address, put a stamp on it.
Yo no entiendo completamente la pregunta.
No te mandes la parte, si me entiendes. Why no replies?
I was trying to let the poem speak for itself. And my body aches from a long weekend to the point where I could not work yesterday and thus was away from you.
I didn't really get the last stanza til last night. Good job. I thought you were speaking only of your losses and then I saw it. Will you have that scar on your chin forever?
The stitches are long gone, but the scar is still healing. It remains to be seen. But there are other scars.
Yes but this scar is mine, or so you said. Perhaps one of "loves lies", if so do not destroy the illusion with the truth.
The poem speaks, but as you said it is just a baby. a beautiful baby. Please, if you do't mind, I really would like your honest opinion on my poems. You started once, but never came back to it. I respect your abilities as a writer and I hope to improve, so if you have some time help me out.
I'm sorry, I don't know enough Spanish (or indeed any Spanish) and so parts of this are completely opaque to me. But then I guess it's not for me, is it Mrs God? How things have blossomed since I've been away! Oh and happy birthday P&K - I turn 29 next week.
The roots are taking hold, but no blossoms yet. "To leave a promise on burning lips" "I long to calm your madness/With loves lies"
Thanks for the translation. Good luck with the roots, whatever fruit may be borne. There's obviously something deep and churning going on. I've said it before, poets and urges should not be allowed to go together without a chaperone.
We are surrounded by n ocean of chaperones. This, for me, is a safe adventure. He stays in his row-boat, I stay in mine. I love the inspiration and the relating. Like building a house together for the poemes to live in.
I suppose the distance between you is chaperone enough. Still, it's good you've found such a connection. This kind of thing doesn't happen that often. You'll cherish it, I know, and take strength from it and maybe write ever greater poems. Ma and Pa Poemranker.
On second thought it shouldn't be burning lips. It should be ardent lips.
Same linguistic root, if my schoolboy Latin serves me right. Whether burning or ardent the effect is the same, don't you find?
Yes and no. Ardent is more an..., I can't explain it well but I'll try. In english we use burning to mean desire. In Spanish it is not so. Ardent, in Spanish is not a true burning it is more the sensation you get when you've touched posion ivy. An extreme irritation. And then there is the sound of the words.
No matter who the poem is written for is should come across. If it is not doing that, even with work on the reader's part, and I believe this does require a bit of work, it fails. The Spanish is taken directly from a tango. GW passed along a station that I have become quite fond of in these passing days of October. The tango is by Carlos Gardel and quite lovely. Besides a bit of Spanish, bringing a bit of Latin American history to the table will not hurt. And the best to you on celebrating the last year of a decade.
You're so right. That's how I know something's finished. what I love in other poems of yours. I knew the words came from a tango, and you picked them so well. I don't have a copy of this one, do you know the title? I'm glad you like the station. My birthday present to you. Bringing history is important. You know more about my homeland then I. I am it, you have studied it. That reminds me, "Teacher and apprentice to..." shouldn't it be too? I think you should end the line with apprentice.
Yes, but no matter how much dirt I swallow. How many nights I stay there, how many books I read of there, I will never be it. And there in lies the poem. Doan is a photographer. The "house: is a reference to his series "Dream House" where he places women in their most beautiful sense into a place where he can only go with his camera, which in this case is a reflection of his mind. It cannot be real. The to is "to you" but I dropped the "you" down. I had both out, but then I thought the reader would think the narrator was "humming." Suggestions? Does it work without? I am not sure of the song title, but I will dig it up. And yes INTRANSIT both Mendoza and La Rioja are near wine country (although Chile makes much better wine) and are agricultural hubs of Argentina. Much like the San Joaquin Valley is an agricultural hub in the states, but not wine country. There is an intended parallel. That is where the title comes in.
Yes, yes. And I have an amnesia of sorts. You own the photographs that revel myself to me. Both as a person and as a poet. Would it work as "your humming"?
I interpreted the title as that imagined place. Doan's country. Our country. The space between.
I would love to know who gave this a 3 and why. Have you no balls to critique my poem after such a low vote. Please come back and give me your grand insight.
Not me. I'm afraid I might be biased. Hmmm...and
I believe it was you who wondered why I resented the zero you gave me. Of course, your poem was given a zero by an anonymous source but still, it is obvious that you took umbrage just as I did. Borderline hypocrisy in my opinion.
Ooops, that was a three and not a zero that
you were given. Hell, someone found at least some redeeming qualities in your poem while you found absolutely none in mine. Yes.... hypocricy fits quite nicely.
I figured I had not heard the last from you on this subject, and your poems are on my list of things to do, I swear. I am fully aware of my contradictions, but I do not see the hypocrisy here. The above poem is full of a few weaknesses that I am trying to resolve; I wanted the insight of the person who left the 3. But most likely it was out of anger. Oh well.
Regardless of our differences of opinions, neither
of us have resorted to profanity or personal attacks on family members as did a previous post. I did not rate your poem so it was not I who gave it a three. I will have some comments soon and did read your piece but not in depth. My first impression was quite positive and it was obvious your poem rates much higher than a three. More later and I apologize for calling you a hypocrite though we all are to various degrees. Also, you seem to well versed and I was wondering if you have an interest in cosmology? The relatively new world of quantum mechanics is an area I have pursued for years and I am convinced it is not written about nearly as much as it should be. I have written several poems concerning the new physics and related subjects and my main problem is the abstract nature inherent to such matters. But, I keep trying to describe the abstract in a non-abstract way and believe I have made some progress though there remains much difficuly in doing so.
what do you think of the sect who claim to have cloned humans?
i am curious, how does that fit with an overall holographic philosophy? is it aligned, against, or irrelevant? do you think what they are doing is acceptable? important? what of thier motivation?
zzinnia66....
Not sure if your question was for me or not but I do have an opinion. Being a deist, I do not believe in a "personal God" and tend towards a humanistic view. Cloning humans is a controversial subject as we all know and the strongest objections come from the religious community--primarily those that are monotheistic such as Christianity, Judaism and Islamism. Their beliefs are pretty much entrenched and not likely to change for reasons involving their personal faith or blind beliefs. From their perspective, God is in control of everything. He/She is supposedly omnipotent and omnipresent, a concept that I find not only bogus but utterly ridiculous. The God they have created is a kind of spiritual elephantiasis, pervasive and always watching and knowing both our thoughts and deeds ad nauseum. Eastern religions have more credibility as they are free of the dogma and moral certitude that accompany most other religions and would probably leave issues such as cloning in the hands of the human creators. From a medical or scientific view, there would be proponents as well as opponents for there are logical, medical, scientific and moral considerations that must be addressed prior to a resolution. I won't go into detail regarding the above but one example from a medical position would be selective cloning in which genetic and/or hereditary factors would be considered, thus greatly improving quality of life and longevity. Everything considered, I believe the issue is inherently intractable. It is comparable to the abortion controversy with strong opinions from both sides that are not going to change. So....there will certainly be more human cloning and the arguments both pro and con will continue. Where it will all lead remains unanswerable considering specifics but highly predictable considering the opposing views that address moral and religious precepts.
I didn't give you the 3, but here I went and offered you civility. At least you've shown what an ass you are. Call your mom. oh, wait, i forgot! the bitch is dead! she's in my zombie army now. says you're a sad little fuckup and she always faked it with you. So much for my attempt to simply ignore the gaping void that is poetandbabbit.
I think I missed something. What the foosh is going on?
arsehole ignored my offer for peace, said shit about me on one of my poems, soo....
Wow, now you have stooped to the level of deleting comments. You were asking for suggestions for the sequel to your comic ditty or attempt at a joke or whatever you might call this shit you write and I complied, and now you once again make off the cuff attacks. Look you ignorant fool, if you cannot say anything about the work at hand, which you cannot, why must you make yourself out to be a heartless idiot. You have not only proved that with your insulting and childlike comments but also with your infantile attempts at clever poems. My mother was not a bitch. She was quite a splendid woman. You will most likely never accomplish half of what she did in her short live because you carry a chip on your shoulder the size of Miami and probably spend way too much time watching bad movies and wallowing in self pity and angst. Your previous comment was ridiculous and your attempt at an apology was ridiculous, just as you are ridiculous. I have been nothing but civil in our debates, merely commenting on you rudeness and continually insulting comments based on nothing but ignorance (refer to all the comments made about the loss of innocent life). Just because you have a tough lot or are an angry young woman who simply needs to see a bit of the world before they open there mouth, does not give you the excuse to be a pathetic human.
your comment was nothing more than an "off the cuff attack" and irrelevant, therefore I removed it. heartless, yes. Self-pity,angst? none here. You have never been civil. and you know it. I offered no apology save that it' s usually a bad idea to involve those not present and that this little spat you insist on continuing does not really entertain me. All it took was to press the 'dead-momma-button' and you froth at the mouth. dance, puppetanddon'tknowit. Loss of innocent life, eh? honestly I can't say I truly feel for those people, and neither can you, unless you knew them personally. I just don't care. (heartless, remember?) If you don't like my works, that's ok, go back to being all serious and pretentious. Stop bothering me for no reason. learn to spell (guess they didn't teach you how as an undergrad.). You're simply a semi-literate bully who gets his jollies trying to make people online believe that he's intelligent. You're merely a dullard.
I was not bothering you. You merely asked for suggestions regarding the perversion poems and I offered a couple as goofy as the ones you had already posted. You made an initial comment about my mother regarding a poem, simple as that. Everything past that point has been a response to that. Previous comments have been in regards to your asinine comments regarding things you obviously no little about: world affairs. And you spew angry sentiments without logic. Yes, I think most people, whether they know someone or not, can feel for the loss of life that is taken in such tragic proportion in any situation. I am sorry you lack the ability to comprehend this, and that you would rather stoop to name calling and wishing that I had a life, etc. etc., when really that has little to do with any of the argument. In your educational development, are you learning anything, Have you traveled at all? Or do you just get you kicks at the local McDonald's? A place that if you had any sensible knowledge or ethics, you would choose not to frequent.
I don't eat at mickey d's. I appreciate your concern for my cholesterol though, dearie. " Asinine".... you use that word a lot, almost as if you had an unbelievably limited vocabulary. I folllow world affairs when I can, the middle east has held my attention lately, due to the possibility of utter chaos and that I have loved ones there. I am not any less of a person for not feeling much for a lot of dead people, no matter how much you seem to think so. So sweet to worry about my young morality. I truly wish you did have a life, though. You'd be much happier and your cardiovascular system would thank you. Sadly, I have yet to experience much travel, being surprisingly poor. I have a long, promising life ahead to see the world, so I just have something to look forward to. Here's a great big hug just for you. (hug!) have a lovely Kansas City day!:
Thanks for the hug! And I do not live in Kansas City. read "What Went Wrong" by Bernard Lewis. You will impress all your friends with you profound insight into the Middle East situation. Even limonade. Call her today and tell her I am being nice to you! And if you do not look both ways before you cross the street, you may not have such a long life. There is a bit of fatherly advice to go on for the day.
not my insight. my family's. tell limonade yourself. Don't eat things you find on your shoe, some deep insightful advice from me.
Wow. I could have used that advice six years ago in Honduras when I was do hungry I looked to the bottom of my shoe and put what I though was old gum in my mouth. Well let me tell you those dried mushy dead snails on the coastal beaches may look good and at first have a nice taste, but they pack a punch indeed. Maybe pollution, who knows, but you will wind up in a third world hospital three days later with a staff of student doctors who only speak tribal Spanish poking and prodding at your thingys. Where were you then, oh, you were only 10. Damn. I could have used you as my errand girl and Shin as my driver. Limonade could have been my genius dictation girl. Of course, the embassy was 600 miles away and no one was home.
keen observation.
who really needs a life.
For some reason,"alluvial" doesn't seem to fit. sounds like a brief geology lesson. I dunno.
Some lovely images and a sure touch
my claim to fame? i bannana'd a congressman's muffler not once but three times. with a flourescent pink ski mask on and a cape.
HOW KEEP DARK AND PATTERN OFF
How keep dark and pattern that any man suffers off--at the wall, at where the hat comes out of the maroow & yawns-- how keep head up the scream & up the burial where the pattern is born-- how the leagues washing their hearts & wrung dry only to sponge back up--men smooching mirrors--blades honing-- tongue & eyelash of Sweet Thing staggering the shape by the door in the baggy shadow-- how keep dark back? Or should one bullet-forth, sleek-clothed or naked-- pierce each entity--each clock--sharpened by art or wine--how enter the needle, the cloth-- how take the pattern any man suffers and lose nothing when you rip it off. Stan Rice, Some Lamb 1975. [editor's note,by horus8]here something else for you and gardel's tango don't let your pride turn your heart to the drink on the mirror to the lines in the glass dusting hollow, i'm indifferent, you're not.
Indifferent to what?
lovely...10 How can anyone give this poem anything below an 8 beats the hell out of me.
5 anonymous blue votes do not make this a poem, as you once said - quote: you are truly the barbara courtland of poemranker.
what goes around comes around, and trust me it will.
Will you go have a cup of tea? You sound utterly foolish. This poem, even in a pure rough draft stage as it is here, is better than anything you could dare write is. In addition, just so you know my dear high school lad, I at one time voted all you poems into the top 15. You and ranger were the champs. I was sick and tired of listening to you both whine. You were giving the British a bad lot. However, I believe dear Z countered my attempts and pushed you back down. Being that I do not have a slew of multiple personas, I could not compete. So there is the voting scandal the like of Piltdown. But that was month ago when I still cared.
For those who think editing and defensiveness are below them. Read on, notice how our hero P&k does not act defensive, nor is he in need of an edit ever. He just Lol's a lot, and is hardly commiserative.
A lovely piece through and through. Bravo, Tesoro.
I am far from learned, so I cannot offer much critique. Here is a ten.
This poem needs nothing learned for a bit of roasting and why is everybody all of a sudden reading it? Doan is a picture taker (somewhat successful) who has a book out that puts naked woman in stereotypical domestic situations (i.e. ironing, cooking, laundry, etc, etc.) Quite genderistic you may say, but the base or instinctual sexuality is so convincing that is blows you away. Other than that the poem sucks and I do not know how to fix it yet.
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