poemranker ::Fact About the Wind by Ninoy_Instigator

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Haiku № 21170

Fact About the Wind

by Ninoy_Instigator

Member since 2002 · Posted 18 Oct 2002 · 4 comments

The wind is blowing It has carried her along She's here before me We talked a little We expressed our deepest love A beautiful love The wind blew again It blew that girl far away Wind can be so cruel

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mean 3.91 weighted 4.45 rank 12870 views 124 View voting details →

11 votes so far. Yours would make 12.11 votes so far

4 comments

[n/a] poetandknowit 18-Oct-02/2:15 PM Reply
She must be exceptionally light. "We talked a little" sounds like small talk, but then you express your deepest love. I would work on that line a bit. It comes off a bit awkward. And also try to remove the passive phrasing in exchange for active voice. It should help the poem move along better and keep the reader more in tune.
[3] horus8 18-Oct-02/2:29 PM Reply
just think if you did a i80 and started walking, you guys might meet up in china then, you could feed the pandas and get naked in the bamboo. i hate bamboo. burp.
[n/a] INTRANSIT 19-Oct-02/9:54 AM Reply
I like the way it souds like a breif time you two weree together, but how enjoyable the time was.
[7] <{Baba^Yaga}> 6-Dec-02/4:43 PM Reply
the wind is the barber.