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Fact About the Wind (Haiku) by Ninoy_Instigator The wind is blowing
It has carried her along
She's here before me
We talked a little
We expressed our deepest love
A beautiful love
The wind blew again
It blew that girl far away
Wind can be so cruel
Up the ladder:
Losing Control
Down the ladder:
The Autopsy (as shown on Channel Four)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.909091
Posted: October 18, 2002 2:04 PM PDT; Last modified: October 18, 2002 2:04 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.4545455 Overall Rank: 12888 Comments:
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poetandknowit @ 65.101.213.178
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18-Oct-02/2:15 PM
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Reply
She must be exceptionally light. "We talked a little" sounds like small talk, but then you express your deepest love. I would work on that line a bit. It comes off a bit awkward. And also try to remove the passive phrasing in exchange for active voice. It should help the poem move along better and keep the reader more in tune.
just think if you did a i80 and started walking, you guys might meet up in china then, you could feed the pandas and get naked in the bamboo. i hate bamboo. burp.
I like the way it souds like a breif time you two weree together, but how enjoyable the time was.
the wind is the barber.
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