| Re: The Set Back by horus8 |
15-Oct-02/7:30 PM |
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Once this poem gets going I do not mind it so much. It is just the first part reminds me of loneshadow (albeit much better) and I just couldn't get past that.
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| Re: THE DEFENSE RESTS by horus8 |
15-Oct-02/7:39 PM |
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I think if this poem were upside down, it would make a good deal more sense. Or a least if you worked out the typos and grammar whacks out of the last stanza. Poor overworked public defenders. They are fighting for and justice for all, you know. They probably had slept in two weeks for all the fuzz bumping. If you wouldn't have been caught like a good criminal you would not have been in that situation. So are you a bad criminal, unskilled???...by the way is that really a big bulge.....ummmm. yummy.
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| Re: On a chill morning by razorgrin |
16-Oct-02/9:39 AM |
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You could remove like 10 words from this poem and make it better, but ramble on.
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| Re: The Way It Is by Tascobar |
16-Oct-02/9:50 AM |
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Fat kids get what they deserve. The title is a Bruce Hornsby song not a haiku title.
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| Re: a genius by moonUnit |
16-Oct-02/9:52 AM |
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I thought this was going to be good but it fell apart line by line until it pooped out in horrific fashion at the end.
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| Re: like love in the movies by crin |
16-Oct-02/10:05 AM |
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Good title for rubbish. How dare you draw me in and then present this. I am offended. Are you in advertising?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Oct-02/7:11 PM |
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Lovely. But who the hell would hit you. I thought Canadians were suppose to be pacifists. Fucking hockey players.
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| Re: sex by Limness |
18-Oct-02/2:11 PM |
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tug just ruins this. and you are easy!?
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| Re: Fact About the Wind by Ninoy_Instigator |
18-Oct-02/2:15 PM |
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She must be exceptionally light. "We talked a little" sounds like small talk, but then you express your deepest love. I would work on that line a bit. It comes off a bit awkward. And also try to remove the passive phrasing in exchange for active voice. It should help the poem move along better and keep the reader more in tune.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-Oct-02/2:17 PM |
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| Re: Hunt by cobalt |
18-Oct-02/2:22 PM |
Some of the images are a bit confusing. "greener than leaves" hunting season is in the fall when the leaves are changing, so this loses me. why is he blinded. Did he hit himself with the recoil? "uncradled slivers of blue
shoot heavenward" is confusing. I think I know what you are saying, but it is not necessarily coming across.
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| Re: Loosed by <~> |
18-Oct-02/2:26 PM |
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I am not a big fan of asking questions in poems. Te me a poet has figured something out, gained some clarity or understanding from questions posed and that forces the writing. You seem to still be pondering something and maybe the poem is there. I really like the last stanza and the implied usage of the "what's in a name" is most excellent, but I still think this is a work in progress.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-Oct-02/2:28 PM |
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Some nice images, but I trip up on the flow. But I suppose that is just me. I am more fond of poems flying by.
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| Re: Die by little_angel_maria |
21-Oct-02/6:33 PM |
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Is this about your father? It is so sad. I printed it out and showed all my girlfriends and at least two of them really cried because they could understand where u were coming from. Best poem yet on the ranker!! From the heart, p&k. 10
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| Re: love by little_angel_maria |
21-Oct-02/6:34 PM |
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| Re: A love of the midlands by ==Doylum |
21-Oct-02/6:42 PM |
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So have I. And why do you disappear so? Is it you who comes as strider1 and Astro Glide? Is it? Your poetry hasn't imporoved in your leave. But such is that.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Oct-02/12:17 PM |
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Now there is good use of deductive reasoning. Say, have you read "Stupid White Men" by Michael Moore. If not, pick it up for a laughs and rant. It rivals Molly Ivins for pounding the state of the nation.
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| Re: Dirty in England by INTRANSIT |
23-Oct-02/12:20 PM |
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This sucks even upside down! Are you trying to be someone you are not? Good try!! Keep up the positive spirit!! Call out to poets!! Long live poetry!! Hear, here!!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Oct-02/12:35 PM |
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This is borderline plagiarism. You should be ashamed. Go find your own voice.
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| Re: George Bush, Jesus Christ, and the good ole US of A! by dougsoderstrom |
23-Oct-02/1:12 PM |
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They are not always at war? Since when? what papers do you read?
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