Re: How things should be... by DeadtotheWorld	5-Feb-04/1:37 PM
forced rhyme, stilted rhythm, and devoid of a single unique line.
Re: thinking while sawin' a few logs by Freethinker1602	5-Feb-04/1:34 PM
This has "Hallmark" written all over it.
Re: The girl next door by Jennichad	5-Feb-04/1:33 PM
I think this could have been a decent poem if it had been written in a different style. Here, as is, it's just too generic, although it has a decent rhythm to it. typo on curtain. I like "she fights one here alone."
Re: Soft Speak; Hard Emotion by Blindpoetry	5-Feb-04/1:28 PM
If you are truly 13, then this is actually very good for someone of that age. It does need to be cleaned up some. I just skimmed the other comments, so if I repeat anything, oh well. Stanza 1, Line 2: "Your" should be "you're." L3: I cannot see a man as a "maid." Make him someone else. The gardener. The caterer. the friggin butler. anything but maid. :-) Stanza 2, line 4 "breathe" should be "breath." Stanza 3 Line 4 "thats" needs an apostrophe. Stanza 5, line 4..it's awkward the way you went from addressing her as "you" to addressing her as "she." Stanza 6 line 1 "i" should be "I". I'm laughing at "I hope you don't mind, I fired the maid"..that's great, even though I still don't think it should be a male "maid". Other than that, the way you are attempting to show action here is awkward as well. It's not a script for a play, it's a poem, right? You need to fix that.
Re: Friends come and go, but sisters lasts forever. by devina	5-Feb-04/1:16 PM
As a sentiment, it's...nice. As a poem, it's horrid. (Sorry). Definitely too cliche, not exactly well-written, and positively boring.
Re: Nina Simone (part one) by zodiac	5-Feb-04/1:14 PM
Nice. I'm consistently impressed by what writing I've seen of yours. In fact, yours are among the best I've seen here (or most anywhere online lol) so far. You ignored my email though :( heh anyway this is awesome. I'd tell you my favorite parts, but I'd be quoting most of this piece back to you.
Re: 3AM At Whitey's by DurtKL	5-Feb-04/1:10 PM
I'm seconding what Zodiac said. :D
Re: mythical by SupremeDreamer	5-Feb-04/1:04 PM
This seems to be going back and forth too much between past and present tense. It could also use some cleaning up (typos and incorrectly spelled words etc.) I like "and before color could reach my cornea" and "before learning to crawl upon tiled floors." Those are the only lines that really stand out to me as 'strong' lines.
Re: Tales From The Outhouse by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	5-Feb-04/12:54 PM
This is cute..okay, there's some humor. Which merits it a 5. I wouldn't do more because frankly the subject matter is just utterly ridiculous. Get on your soapbox now...I can already tell you're the type :-) (I can't believe everyone gave this a 10)
Re: Unhearted by Miggy	5-Feb-04/12:53 PM
This isn't bad...lyric wise. I mean, i can kinda 'hear' it as a song. As a poem I'd consider it more lacking. Anyway, my only major suggestion to you is to revise your chorus because the line with the phrase "an idea stupid" is quite awkward and way too forced a rhyme.
Re: Alone Together by lynnkyle	31-Jan-04/1:00 PM
I think it could work either way
Re: missin' you by clumseYdaiseY	31-Jan-04/12:14 PM
pretty and rhythmic, but not very unique.
Re: Pathetic lill' me.. by clumseYdaiseY	31-Jan-04/12:13 PM
er..and that's "certainly" not "certaintly" hehe
Re: Pathetic lill' me.. by clumseYdaiseY	31-Jan-04/12:12 PM
er...cleverdevice...it's only a dream certaintly should have an apostrophe. It's a contraction of "it is." And you forgot to mention that "tomorrow" is spelled wrong. :D Not a bad poem, though, clumsey.
Re: Of an Age Before by cleverdevice	31-Jan-04/12:08 PM
Not bad. Good imagery. Too many commas in S2.
Re: Stronger by devina	31-Jan-04/12:06 PM
This one's too generic, too. It needs to "show" more in order to back up what you're trying to say with it and "tell" less, unless you can tell it with more originality than that.
Re: It's something about you by devina	31-Jan-04/12:03 PM
Way too generic. This could be a Hallmark card. And probably should be.
Re: Alone Together by lynnkyle	31-Jan-04/12:01 PM
I like this poem. Although I don't feel like it really gets going until Stanza 5, which is my favorite, along with the ending stanza. The repetition of together etc. works really well in this piece.
Re: In love as in war by zodiac	31-Jan-04/11:44 AM
This is great. I really like this poem. A very bold concept, written well. Nice job!
Re: To Avalon by annabellee	31-Jan-04/11:42 AM
This is well-written (in an English/word usage kinda way). Personally, being into more contemporary type stuff, the content just doesn't do anything for me. But that's just personal preference, not really anything against your writing.