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Alone Together (Free verse) by lynnkyle
So alone together. His hand slides from mine, his fingers stroke my face. So soft are his lips, so warm is his breath. His hand slides across my cheek, his eyes search mine. We are together, we are together in this moment. Together in the night, the night of mist and coolness. Do we feel cool? We feel warm, we feel hot. We feel together. Stroking, sliding, surrounded, swallowed by the night mist. Alone together. I speak, I say Should we, he says We should. He says Yes and I say Yes and we say yesses and yesses. So that's how it goes, how it is. In the mist, in the night, alone together. Softly, sweetly, hotly in the cool night, yes. After, he says We did, Did we. And I say Yes and I smile. He smiles too. He says, stroking my face, he says Again. Yes I say, Again yes, and again, alone together, we say Yes.

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.4
Weighted score: 5.286087
Overall Rank: 3735
Posted: January 30, 2004 11:31 AM PST; Last modified: January 30, 2004 11:31 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] andrewjthomas @ 192.150.10.200 | 30-Jan-04/11:40 AM | Reply
i really enjoyed how you describe around the topic
beating around the bush with artistry : )
[8] NanceXToo @ 24.229.216.168 | 31-Jan-04/12:01 PM | Reply
I like this poem. Although I don't feel like it really gets going until Stanza 5, which is my favorite, along with the ending stanza. The repetition of together etc. works really well in this piece.
[n/a] lynnkyle @ 207.126.233.182 > NanceXToo | 31-Jan-04/12:48 PM | Reply
Thanks for the kind words. I think I'd like to switch the order of stanza 4 and 5, what do you think? makes more sense to me that way.
[n/a] Goad @ 80.132.186.70 > lynnkyle | 31-Jan-04/1:26 PM | Reply
well I suppose that depends on whether you feel stroking, sliding, surrounded and swallowed constitutes we did, or not. This usually depends on whether you're accuser or accusee.
[8] NanceXToo @ 24.229.216.168 | 31-Jan-04/1:00 PM | Reply
I think it could work either way
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