poemranker ::Alone Together by lynnkyle

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Free verse № 83727

Alone Together

Member since 2004 · Posted 30 Jan 2004 · 5 comments

So alone together. His hand slides from mine, his fingers stroke my face. So soft are his lips, so warm is his breath. His hand slides across my cheek, his eyes search mine. We are together, we are together in this moment. Together in the night, the night of mist and coolness. Do we feel cool? We feel warm, we feel hot. We feel together. Stroking, sliding, surrounded, swallowed by the night mist. Alone together. I speak, I say Should we, he says We should. He says Yes and I say Yes and we say yesses and yesses. So that's how it goes, how it is. In the mist, in the night, alone together. Softly, sweetly, hotly in the cool night, yes. After, he says We did, Did we. And I say Yes and I smile. He smiles too. He says, stroking my face, he says Again. Yes I say, Again yes, and again, alone together, we say Yes.

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mean 7.40 weighted 5.29 rank 3742 views 225 View voting details →

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5 comments

[7] andrewjthomas 30-Jan-04/11:40 AM Reply
i really enjoyed how you describe around the topic
beating around the bush with artistry : )
[8] NanceXToo 31-Jan-04/12:01 PM Reply
I like this poem. Although I don't feel like it really gets going until Stanza 5, which is my favorite, along with the ending stanza. The repetition of together etc. works really well in this piece.
[n/a] lynnkyle › NanceXToo 31-Jan-04/12:48 PM Reply
Thanks for the kind words. I think I'd like to switch the order of stanza 4 and 5, what do you think? makes more sense to me that way.
[n/a] Goad › lynnkyle 31-Jan-04/1:26 PM Reply
well I suppose that depends on whether you feel stroking, sliding, surrounded and swallowed constitutes we did, or not. This usually depends on whether you're accuser or accusee.
[8] NanceXToo 31-Jan-04/1:00 PM Reply
I think it could work either way