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Pathetic lill' me.. (Free verse) by clumseYdaiseY Pathetic lil' me
Wanna be the imperfect star
Shining his dreams in Purple ink..
When i know
It's only a dream..
A fantasy
A game i play
with my ownself
In my very quiet life..
So pathetic me,
Instead of believing..
Instead of reaching for the guts
Crying, leaping and whining
Pointless, he wouldn't care
No one will..
What a pathetic self..
I lost in my own game
A game created by myself
i thought I'm the Queen of Love
and you're the Jack of Spade?
Hush pathetic me..
When tommorow comes
Just leave your shadow
there
Imprinted in time
A memento..
Up the ladder:
Guinness
Down the ladder:
The Upside-Down Frown
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.2
Posted: January 29, 2004 9:25 PM PST; Last modified: January 29, 2004 9:25 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0238404 Overall Rank: 7413 Comments:
er...cleverdevice...it's only a dream certaintly should have an apostrophe. It's a contraction of "it is." And you forgot to mention that "tomorrow" is spelled wrong. :D
Not a bad poem, though, clumsey.
er..and that's "certainly" not "certaintly" hehe
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'Wanna' instead of 'want to'
'Purple'... doesn't need a capital p
'I' instead of 'i'
'It's' - no apostrophe with this 'its only a dream', its not a possesive, young lady.
Again, 'I', not 'i'
Third time, clumseYdaiseY, capital I for the self, thought you had sorted it out two lines before.
And a fourth!!!! Detention young lady, I've warned you about incorrect use of 'I'!
Now you've missed the capital of 'And'. May only be a conjunction, but its still important.
Double detention, you missed the capital T for 'There'. You appear to have been registered for last week, I can only conclude you were too busy passing notes to concentrate on what I was saying about the higher case.
Now algebra...