Re: Stopped by zzinnia66	6-Jun-03/10:26 AM
"She frogs when I'm all toady" what a fuckin' great line. I'm not sure what it means, but that's ok. this is one sublimely angry poem. Your one hot sister.
Re: Understand by Luv2write	29-Apr-03/2:53 AM
Again, the catch-alls... chance opportunities a way moment emotion conversation topic? (that's awful) possible talk dream Can you be specific please. Pretend your writing a news article, just the facts.
Re: Lost love by Mikius	29-Apr-03/2:21 AM
So... The structure is good, but you are not saying anything really. Where are the specifics. Somewhere????? Tell exactly where. 'I loved her'? How???? Tell me what you did hold her hand.... walk her dog..... read to her grandmother..... lick her pussy...... I mean, come on, what's your story???? 'she left me alone with my thoughts' so what? what the fuck where you thinking? That's what I want to know. I can't think your thoughts, show them to me. "I never meant to hurt her" Hoooooooowwwwwww did you hurt her? Scare her? Haaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooowwww? Don't tell me nothing, tell me something.
Re: Sunday night movies after bible study by Bachus	29-Apr-03/1:58 AM
The last stanza, you know, I mean, I'm totally serious about the corn, it's like, you know, 8 1/2 and those women at the end living in the house of his imagination, and she doesn't ant to leave eventhough she's old, and they all rise up with their brooms and laundry, it's like the corn, out of control and all over the linoleum floor. Fucking brilliant, something so precise.
Re: Sunday night movies after bible study by Bachus	29-Apr-03/1:53 AM
Fuck the ps, it's all about the corn. Gruesome and human. 3rd couplet, and of course the All-Powerful 1st line. Amen, brother.
Re: a comment on Fighting erosion by INTRANSIT	29-Apr-03/1:39 AM
I do wish, and I do love surprises. 3rd stanza, 'fungicide' to be precise. I don't get that idea. Orangutans I understand, plus it has the added bonus of a Planet of The Apes reference, those manipulative philosophers, a sterling analogy on your part. Bingo.
Re: Joshua by Bachus	25-Apr-03/9:23 AM
Bravo. A pivital work for you. You are always honest, but the simplicity and directness of language here is a new tool, and you wield it with the quiet assurance of a skilled craftsman. I am so happy for this poem, what a gift to leave the world, an unobstructed view into the inner life. THAT, in my opinion, is the most influencial and potent kind of art. To put these kinds of thoughts and emotions out there adds so much to existence. Anyone who reads this will have a new thread of color running through their personal tapestry. It adds texture and one more layer of flavor to the stew. Bravo. Great first line. The path is clear, and easy to follow, beginning to end. The scene with your grandmother on her hospital bed and you playing what ever role neccesary, there's is so much love there. I just love this poem.
Re: a comment on spring by <~>	23-Apr-03/4:09 PM
My dearest richa, I hope the comment left this morning under the guise of my user name did not offend you in anyway. Perhaps you have already noticed the subtle difference in our epithets, and the absolute difference in our styles, but just incase it escaped you, as it did me for few minutes, I am sending along this comment to underscore the facts. NOTA BENE: Beware the post-S apostrophed cognomen, it is a faded and jejune facsimile. I caution you and all other darlings to distinguish between the geniune article; the pre-S apostrophed wife of god, and this tasteless imposter. Pax vobiscum.
Re: Fighting erosion by INTRANSIT	22-Apr-03/5:24 PM
I love this poem very much. Last line 3rd stanza feels different than the rest; out-of-place sort of, thou I hate to critize such loveliness. Maybe it just takes some getting use to. I love saying it. Terrific vowels, and beyond that a strong idea. Good for you! Poems are no more than sketches drawn in sand, an instantaneous view, an instant need to tell. Funny to think of you, an artist, wiping grease off his hands on a red shop towel. In my mind I see you plaid and baseball cap, grabbing the hand rail and hoisting yourself up to the cab.
Re: "Mute nostril agony" Titled & inspired by Frass. by Bachus	18-Apr-03/2:59 PM
How the fuck do all those ideas find room in your head? You make it look so easy, I'm always stifling myself.
Re: this old man (edit) by Bill Z Bub	18-Apr-03/2:19 PM
Terrific flow at the beginning. Try to stay with it. Great images; thistle works well I think, for all the obvious reasons. Your going to be a great writer some day, some day soon. Come to California I can't see your brown eyes from here. Mend my sorrow.
Re: Loaded with Clichés by Blindproject217	17-Apr-03/6:03 PM
Get rid of the parenthetical. You touch on truth, now just go.
Re: Toute ma Vie by talking_goldfish	17-Apr-03/5:55 PM
Very sweet. Somebody kiss me.
Re: MOM by INTRANSIT	15-Apr-03/2:31 PM
Terrific structure, just needs fleshing out. Give me your personal story. "The flower...to be." What causes the flower to die? Exactly, tell me. Is the seed never planted? Does it die of thirst? Take me to your childhood, I want to see it, walk it's streets with you. I want to see what you saw as a child. Can you give me that? I think your an interesting person. I bet you can tell an interesting story. What crash? What failure? what suggestion? Details, dress the story with the personality of the writer. The writer's personality, or sometimes the stories personality, is the only orginal thing a writer has to give. Details give excitement, interest.
Re: Barometric pressure & true love (The prince of storms) by Jeremi B. Handrinos	15-Apr-03/2:01 PM
World Class. Strong from beginning to end. All that hard work has paid off. Mr. Vilanelle, good job with the close-up. Cut. Print. This poem is fucking beautiful. Thanks for the soul-kiss. I'm feeling better for it.
Re: Flash of Light by Todd	14-Apr-03/2:56 PM
What, exactly, did you see??? What does your poem talk about??? In a sudden flash of lightning I realized there is a heaven. How? Why? Explain yourself. Not in the comments, but in the poem. Glimpse the wonder of letting your imagination come up with some scenarios.
Re: OK, I apologize - it's steaming shite and no mistake, but it was the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment. I'm off to slit my wrists now, since writer's block has sent me spiralling into the depths of the deepest depression in human history... by Yardbird	11-Apr-03/10:11 PM
My writing sucks.
Re: OK, I apologize - it's steaming shite and no mistake, but it was the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment. I'm off to slit my wrists now, since writer's block has sent me spiralling into the depths of the deepest depression in human history... by Yardbird	11-Apr-03/10:09 PM
Haha hohohohohohoho.....heheheheheee. That was great!
Re: the photobooth by Bill Z Bub	11-Apr-03/9:18 PM
Belly grabs me, and casket. Great use of the sound in words. black & white stripped, and pinned. eerie upright... close, hide, awaken. the way her eyes darkened. your words are beautiful. They ring, like a peal bells, or laughter.
Re: All hail Discordia?(a true haiku story) by razorgrin	9-Apr-03/10:11 AM
Stick to the truth, it suits you better than humourmous fabrications.10