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Fighting erosion (Free verse) by INTRANSIT We the wranglands that forever be
count the country from sea to sea
carry the burden seeds from thee.
Standing deeply together shields
the pretty wind against us wields
audible voices much un-heeled.
Wastes deposited deep inside
a latent type of genocide
bark stands tough as winds deride.
Sun to soil in knotted grand
as the unknowings reach for hand
oh forgive, the Orangutans.
Up the ladder:
One Year to Live
Down the ladder:
heart & soul
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.6
Posted: April 22, 2003 4:05 PM PDT; Last modified: September 23, 2003 7:41 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.833116 Overall Rank: 10792 Comments:
How about 'Orangutan' instead of 'Orangutans'?
Beautiful.
whoa.
my my my. someone has been doing their homework.
this rocks.
I don't get it man. What's so fucking beautiful about it?
With exception to that poem about you ripping the guts from the clock, this is your best, highly deserving all the praise. I've read 2 brilliant poems today and before thats spoiled I am logging off - 10 Cest Parfait
good rhyming
I think this is key to this kind of writing
Hey Mister Truck Driver dude, I read the other one you just posted but I don't have time to comment on both, but they're both cool! This one esp.
I'm going to give this a 9 I'll be posting a new one soon-ish (hopefully) & would love it if you took a look and told me what you think to it! Cheers anyway!
beautiful...10
We r the idiots that forever be
Invading every country from air,land or sea
I've read alot of your work, but I think this is quite ingenious. Hats off, my friend!
lol.
When I read poetry I take 3 steps.
1. I read it over and listen for the overall sound and feeling of the poem. If it makes an enjoyable read the first time without makeing your head hurt then its already decent, which I might add, your poem does. 2. I try and get the deeper meanings of the words and the way they are formed together, such as "Wastes deposited deep inside" I love that line. Im really envious that i didnt think of it first, that is assumeing I have the capacity to create somthing like that, which I do not think at this point in time i have. 3. I read it over again listening to the rythm and recognizing the meanings in each line and seeing the mental picture as i read each one. Your poem made each read enjoyable. I absolutely love it. Keep up the good work. -10-
Why thank you BP217.
In reference to #2: Don't doubt or second guess yourself. Try anyway. You don't KNOW until you get to the end of the thing your're working on. The mere act of trying something new helps you stretch for the next "rung". Also, this is "practicing art" You can only improve,but you will never reach perfection. Only get to a point with each piece that makes (you) happy. Then up the ante on the next one. Above all else,I believe, have fun.
Wow I really loved the imagery in this poem. I was reading the other comments and theres not much clue to the story in this I think I get it but dont want to look a fool. it was lovely reading your poem I am new here on this site and am reading all the top 15 poems in the next few days. I am giving you an 8, nice to meet you and thank you for sharing your lovely poem.
Good to see you at number 12, couldn't happen to a nicer guy. And in this poem you've really let yourself go ans surpassed yourself. The sounds are brilliant, the mystery deep and the feeling of the earth is strong and elemental. Really, this is great.
Good to see you at number 1, couldn't happen to a nicer guy. And in this poem you've really let yourself go ans surpassed yourself. The sounds are brilliant, the mystery deep and the feeling of the earth is strong and elemental. Really, this is great.
Wow, you were talking about orangutans all along.
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I love saying it. Terrific vowels, and beyond that a strong idea. Good for you! Poems are no more than sketches drawn in sand, an instantaneous view, an instant need to tell.
Funny to think of you, an artist, wiping grease off his hands on a red shop towel. In my mind I see you plaid and baseball cap, grabbing the hand rail and hoisting yourself up to the cab.
Thank you much. Monkeys didn't rhyme. Sorry I haven't had time to give yours their due. I still refer to "No descent way".
XOI.
3rd stanza, 'fungicide' to be precise. I don't get that idea. Orangutans I understand, plus it has the added bonus of a Planet of The Apes reference, those manipulative philosophers, a sterling analogy on your part. Bingo.