| Re: winter every day (Don't bother reading this) by unknown |
13-Sep-02/4:59 PM |
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Could be a real gem if you polished it. The last stanza i think is the best and could stay as is. Can you describe the smell of her pillow?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Sep-02/5:14 PM |
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I think I saw Gloria Swanson act out this poem in a silent movie once. Sheer and unadulterated melodrama. Not just bad but super-bad.
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| Re: Fuck the stars by Patrice727 |
15-Sep-02/12:37 PM |
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| Re: How? Well... by RWAndersen |
15-Sep-02/12:42 PM |
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Choppy. Polish won't add to her shine? Dreadful analogy to lay on a person.
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| Re: Dry tears by bdub420 |
15-Sep-02/12:46 PM |
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Cryptic. Send free decoder ring please.
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| Re: Mantis by renwick |
15-Sep-02/12:55 PM |
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You're beginning analogy is anything but poetic. May I suggest a Brazilian wax to rid her of those pokey sharps and splinters. Stupid. By the way this "thing" you've posted makes it glaringly obvious you are a terrible lay. 1.... which is more than those poor 48 would rank you in bed.
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| Re: You Win by ritz1605 |
15-Sep-02/1:02 PM |
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Lot's of typos and grammatical errors. But correcting this won't help. I say shoot it and put it out of it's misery.
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| Re: No sally, lay your troubles to bed by Crakyamuni |
15-Sep-02/1:10 PM |
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Oh worshipper of the sacred Budda, go back to the creamery. What this is is what it was and shall forever be, caca.
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| Re: bitterness to tenderness to endlessness by Crakyamuni |
15-Sep-02/1:15 PM |
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No joy to read. Improves slighty as you go, but no go. Dogs in deep trances? What dinner show is that?
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| Re: On waiting to pick up my daughter on Tuesday by poetandknowit |
15-Sep-02/1:21 PM |
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Shouldn't there be a comma after <same>? Also <that> seems unnecessary.
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| Re: Faucet's got a nasty drip. FUCK! Not again! by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
15-Sep-02/7:58 PM |
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Not up to your high standards.
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| Re: Morning Conversation by lexicon |
15-Sep-02/9:03 PM |
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Not bad not bad. More space-age living. I'd would have liked a metaphor or two, but that's just me. I wait for them the way a child waits or candy.
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| Re: Faucet's got a nasty drip. FUCK! Not again! by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
15-Sep-02/9:52 PM |
this is god's wifes son (god's son) gods and gods wife's little devil chid
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| Re: On waiting to pick up my daughter on Tuesday by poetandknowit |
15-Sep-02/10:14 PM |
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she sounds cute can i take her out on a date? (spwan of god'swife)
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| Re: crispy by skaskowski |
15-Sep-02/10:22 PM |
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why's it called crispy if it's crunchy? S.O.g.
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| Re: God and Country by dougsoderstrom |
16-Sep-02/7:34 AM |
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Amen. Excellent. Folk-art at it's very best. May I print and share?
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| Re: Mountain Ash, Mid Glamorgan by Nicholas Jones |
16-Sep-02/2:23 PM |
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More than like, I love. 10 fully earned.
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| Re: I hate people by Bazilla |
16-Sep-02/3:04 PM |
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I don't hate you, but I hate this poem. Stop wasting time beating the air. Not to mention this lacks anyhting resembling charm
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| Re: lovely by pink_punk_kisses87 |
16-Sep-02/5:42 PM |
Who is this person? Start there. mother, sister, friend. Watch can become so many other things; attend, regard, mark, glimpse, etc... use a thesaurus it's your best friend. You'll hear some idiots spout stupidities about the illegitimacy of using one. Don't listen. All good poets use them. Infact try to find an old used thesaurus that isn't organized alphabetically. Take to reading it. That's an education.
" I mark your sleep. The lovely brown of your hair./ Your hands like..... It takes hours upon hours to work out a poem. The ones that come spontaneously are gifts, and have little to do witht he writers craft. Don't give up.
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| Re: A black sanded tropical vision by horus8 |
16-Sep-02/8:35 PM |
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I sense aloof pain. Which is a man's territory. "That 5 yr old's shadow stretches on" Truth.
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