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A black sanded tropical vision (Free verse) by horus8
Once my mother left me at someone else's home. I counted the flash of headlights, everynight for two weeks against the window. A five year old's shadow stretches on regardless of a lit influence, or a specialised orangery. Let's not pull punches here, steal my good-night-kiss. When my thongs floated down that river to a saltier openess. I was afraid to tell her later; I landed in a crate of bottles playing ping-pong. Shoeless, the puddles of red kept me sliding. As the table became covered with cane-spiders, and the hammock swung empty to our yard's widening. What would all of the late-night prospectors say? About that naked silhouette head patting my fever. Not a single word mind you, they don't ever pray. They want to pocket away your innocence. Sell it back so gracious meteor streak wish quick. Shooting stars are for dreamers and the observant. My dreams are a pair of brown and tan thongs cork floating the mighty Pacific Ocean. Rest stops for the occasional migrating Sea-bird. I am no longer waiting, and I prefer a good boot. Any day, to a pair of bobbing boy's slippers. Because, those who wait for change, never do.

Up the ladder: A strange Wonder
Down the ladder: health cards

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.285714
Weighted score: 5.345782
Overall Rank: 3399
Posted: September 16, 2002 4:08 PM PDT; Last modified: June 3, 2003 5:13 PM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] <~> @ 24.44.185.41 | 16-Sep-02/7:19 PM | Reply
to whom did you write this h? who was she to you? it seems to me you have a drea or two left inside; they didn't all float away on the tide. as a poem, this seems laced together, and i want it to be more tightly woven. just tighter in general, since innocence is a huge thing to lose, and i want to feel this deeper in your words, here.
[7] god'swife @ 209.178.176.217 | 16-Sep-02/8:35 PM | Reply
I sense aloof pain. Which is a man's territory. "That 5 yr old's shadow stretches on" Truth.
[8] Christof @ 195.172.133.226 | 18-Sep-02/2:48 AM | Reply
This is my favourite of yours becuase that lost innocnence and the fracturing of the self that goes with it comes out so loud and clear. Your focus is much tighter than usual and the poem really benefits from it. This is great.
[9] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.188.72 | 18-Jan-03/7:25 PM | Reply
I get a little lost with (specialized orangery). 6-2 add comma before (so) also?
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 > INTRANSIT | 18-Jan-03/8:35 PM | Reply
It's a special greenhouse to grow oranges in during realy bad frostings, and cold weather.
[8] pomoxo @ 158.252.242.71 | 18-Jan-03/9:01 PM | Reply
i really enjoy some of the unconventional imagery you use here, it definitely gives the poem a distinct ambience which is very valuable, the kind of strangeness and surreality that is the experience of childhood, back before we had all sorts of ingrained cultural references to steer our perceptions
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