| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Morning Conversation (Free verse) by lexicon Alarm rings and she awakes,
rolling over. "Five more minutes?"
she asks to nobody.
Slipping out of bed and
trudging to the bathroom...
The faucet handle squeaks
and the water splashes.
Hot coffee aroma greets her
as she enters the kitchen.
She says a silent thank you
to automatic timers.
Coffee cup clinks against the saucer
as eggs sizzle in the pan...
She snaps open the paper,
eating quickly as fork scrapes plate
then hurries out, the door slamming
shut on her morning conversation of one
Up the ladder:
standing on the dry weeds
Down the ladder:
Wondering Soul
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.4615383
Posted: September 10, 2002 12:43 PM PDT; Last modified: September 10, 2002 5:41 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.06847 Overall Rank: 1176 Comments:
[7]
god'swife @ 209.179.212.64
|
15-Sep-02/9:03 PM
|
Reply
Not bad not bad. More space-age living. I'd would have liked a metaphor or two, but that's just me. I wait for them the way a child waits or candy.
[n/a]
lexicon @ 207.175.232.211
> god'swife
|
16-Sep-02/6:00 PM
|
Reply
hi, and thanks for the note. I purposefully left metaphor - or any poetic devices out. I just wanted to convey the plain ordinary life of a lonely woman and felt simple language would echo her simple life.
[7]
god'swife @ 209.179.137.71
> lexicon
|
16-Sep-02/6:11 PM
|
Reply
As I said it's just a predilection of mine.
that's a nice one.
...and?? This could be a lot more. Why is it interesting? Because it seems interesting. Find out why and rewrite it.
i like it 8
Smoother: she wakes; she asks nobody;-
this is cute! I like the last line. 164 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
