regarding some deleted poem...	11-Sep-02/8:47 AM
I think "Bringing forth a sigh" in the last haiku would be prettier than "It brings..." These are sweet (in a good way).
Re: June 6, 1973 by Limness	11-Sep-02/9:29 AM
Fuck yes! Good writing.
Re: Forbidden Love by beakism	11-Sep-02/10:10 AM
This poem was awful, til the end. Then it became very funny. Thanks for pulling me in.
Re: 9/11 by dougsoderstrom	11-Sep-02/11:30 PM
I think you really oought to leave this to a poet who might have actually been there. Of course there are those professional hacks who can drum something up for the Prez. or Congress. I don't think they'd pay for this. Infact if we sent this to them they might lock you up for life as a enemy of the state and you'll never even get a chance to defend yourself as a misguided poet.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Sep-02/11:53 PM
That's a really long poem so I can see you put some effort into it. Still it is overly simplistic. As is your philosophy about love. The idea of that one person whom destiny has chosen for you is a pure fabrication of the idealistic mind. There are a ton of femmes out there who are perfectly capable of making you feel like a million bucks. The problem is we are notoriously fickle and it's usually going to end in tears.. After another 2 or 3 heartbreaks you'll get the hang of it. This poem is very sweet and very charming in it's own way, but it lacks creativity.
Re: the story of an arrogant butterfly by kawakurdi	12-Sep-02/12:03 AM
The immigrants song. how do you say; This poem is long-winded but stil manages to convey nothing, in your language? I'm giving you 3 because I like the idea of a "loser butterfly"
Re: Anfal: Our 9/11 happened many times over by kawakurdi	12-Sep-02/12:45 AM
I think you have alot of important stories to tell. Some of these stanzas are very beautifully executed. I think if you divide these events into separate stories it would have more impact on the reader. It's too much all at once. Also, the title is inappropriate. The terrorist attacks of Sept.11th, 2001 should not be compared with the horrors other people are living. Not because it takes anything away from "9/11", but because it minimizes your own struggle. Your experiences and the experiences of the people you present to me in this poem deserve to stand on their own. I understand your point, the United States of America appears to be an arrogant self-centered nation. We'e making a big deal out of a comparatively small act of violence. But don't you see, you are contributing to the agrandizing of this event simply by putting it in the title of your poem. Our government is using this event to create a sense of nationalism and justification for war. Please do not confuse the people with their goverment. Just as in your country, the people here are nowhere near being the hypocrites their leaders are. This is not your 9/11 this is your Anfal. Explain it to us. Show us. Many of our citizens will listen, and take your words to heart. This title reduces the author from the honorable status of poet to the dishonorable status of slanderer. My wish for you is that your talent will grow, and that through your words and the words of other poets the United States will be forced listen.
Re: Seasons by impaired	12-Sep-02/8:40 AM
You should go through these and give them agood haircut. Take ALL the small unnecessary words out, i.e.; 'Spring feels of joy. New life begins to bud'. Also spring is not like a tree replcing it's leaves spring IS a tree replacing it's leaves. Get rid of every single "that" nothing will kill a piece of writing quicker. Poem, prose novel or letter. Good luck!
Re: Gone Away by Christof	12-Sep-02/8:49 AM
Last line S2 "All time is calculated" seems to work better for me. For you? Excellent edit. Nice finish! Bravo.
Re: Like and Unlike by Christof	12-Sep-02/9:16 AM
"Be distracted..." confuses me, and "Consider the skin tone" makes me wince a little.
Re: Love is just a word by trev086	12-Sep-02/9:30 AM
Love is a verb. The act of loving someone is far more noble and necessary than the sensation. Other than that, this poem is awkward at best. The rhymns are childish.
Re: deluge by kawakurdi	12-Sep-02/1:43 PM
You come alive here. You seduce me with the beauty and the power of your images. 10
Re: THE CUL-DE-SAC by kawakurdi	12-Sep-02/4:24 PM
I am so happy that our small conflict has resulted in my discovering your poems. I especially love "Niether thought grows wings/Nor passion catches fire" And the fact that we both used the image of eyes as springs of purifing water also makes me glad.
Re: The success of a relationship by april fool	12-Sep-02/5:31 PM
Welcome to the new millenium. i think it's well constructed except for line 2. Doesn't take much away but it wouldn't be hard to tidy.
Re: We visited the gay men on the veranda by Frass	12-Sep-02/9:34 PM
This is worth writing about. It needs some fixing up but I like it. I give you some suggestions but I'm having a tantrum right now so I'll get back to it in a few days.
Re: America the Beautiful? by pink_punk_kisses87	12-Sep-02/9:49 PM
You know, if you're going to get way up there on your giant soap box you should at least make it pretty. This is not a poem It's a very bad nagging session. "Is this what makes us proud?" "Is this what our ancestors...." You sound like a crotchety old man. An impact can never be made by standing and wagging your finger.
Re: Our New Tongue by Christof	13-Sep-02/8:42 AM
Excellent. Hadn't read this before. "Oaths of faith and love" Please work on writing a new contract for all the girls and boys. I love stanza 4, awkward and sad without being awkward and sad. Is she married?
Re: 9/11 by dougsoderstrom	13-Sep-02/9:02 AM
This is awful with or without the explanation. Try expanding the actual so called poem. Also the first image has been so over-used it 's best to avoid it. We allready know what you're talking about since you were foolish enought to title this thing 9/11. Aren't you sick of it yet 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11. It doesn't even have a proper name.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Sep-02/9:35 AM
Get out of here you stupid little fuck! People have been warning you for days that these poems are obviously not yours. You must have the most pathetic life. I mean their are people here who are willing to put there truly bad poetry on here and get reamed for it. That at least takes courage. You on the other hand are simply looking for anonymous approval. You need to talk to a counselor.
Re: Remember-me (an ode to those dropped off at the clinic) by Bachus	13-Sep-02/4:47 PM
Oh my dear sweet brother how i've missed you. Of all the God's you are my favorite. You don't pretend. I'm off for the weekend. Hope to see you soon.