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Free verse № 14566

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by Christof

Member since 2002 · Posted 12 Sep 2002 · 13 comments

How like an old man. Midstride, dead, He topples His face as mottled As a butterfly's wing. Be distracted as the pavements sing For the rain Plays the slatted drain Like a xylophone. Consider the skin tone Now brittle as chalk, The stamp of his walk From his muscles erased Like a lyric unphrased. Note the dumb head Note the wedding ring As the unknown dully meets the unknown.

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13 comments

[10] vulcan 12-Sep-02/7:54 AM Reply
the last images paint an unforgottable picture.9
[10] vulcan 12-Sep-02/8:57 AM Reply
Hi Christof!what have you done with your"Preconceptual"?you had such a poem or I dreamed it?just then I wanted to read it again and found it disapeared!It was very good!H'm!please tell me the reason
[n/a] Christof › vulcan 12-Sep-02/8:59 AM Reply
I'm glad you liked it, but I think I realised it needed a bit more work. Soemthing wasn't quite working for me. I might put it up again next week - I'm glad you really liked it.
[10] god'swife 12-Sep-02/9:16 AM Reply
"Be distracted..." confuses me, and "Consider the skin tone" makes me wince a little.
[n/a] Christof › god'swife 13-Sep-02/3:35 AM Reply
Confusion in this case is good! I decided to subvert myself a bit. And 'tone' - I need a rhyme for 'xylophone' and it makes me think of a clinical description, which I like for this poem. I read thos one myself and thought 'this is a bit odd'.
[7] Frass 12-Sep-02/7:14 PM Reply
I like your poetry, Christof. Not sure I understand 'unknown dully', though. How about 'as a moth's wing'? I think of a butterfly's wing as being colourful, not mottled. I reread your poems, dood.
[n/a] Christof › Frass 13-Sep-02/3:31 AM Reply
'Dully' is an adverb - the unknown meets the unknown in a dully way. It's a good word aurally, but I admit it looks a bit peculiar on paper.(or screen). Also I know what you mean about moths, but I liked the implied fragility of the butterfly wing that for me the moth doesn't have. What an abstruse distinction to have to make. And we have some very mottled and drab butterflies in England.
[2] poetandknowit 15-Sep-02/8:23 PM Reply
Yawn!
[9] razorgrin 20-Sep-02/7:07 AM Reply
The first death i remember was when an old man died on the street on my way to school. they hadn't covered him when i showed up. This poem evokes my memories of that so perfectly. Very real. uncontrived.
[n/a] Christof › razorgrin 20-Sep-02/8:29 AM Reply
Well, sorry, to have brought back unpleasant memories.
[9] daniella 19-Oct-02/10:31 PM Reply
watched closely. i would love to see you sketching these as you watch ever so closely.
[7] *Lyrisick* 19-Apr-03/7:56 PM Reply
WONDERFULLY PERPLEXED, AND VIVID. - LYRISICK-.
[9] Bill Z Bub 19-Apr-03/10:07 PM Reply
Not so sure about that last stanza, but the rest is Great.
You are the griddle, I am the meat. <---- sorry, that bit is from a song I'm listening to at the moment. Looooovage!