Re: a comment on Sagadahoc to Hudson by http://mulberryfairy	10-Aug-03/7:48 AM
Alas, this is why it needs work, I shouldn't need a paragraph to explain it.
Re: Pina Colada Belle by Don-Quixote	10-Aug-03/7:21 AM
Between your other, more feminine sounding screenname, (which always, at first glance, has me imagine you as a 29 year old white female) and this talk of pina coladas, I am starting to re-question your purported gender. (I, personally, love pina colada's but am allowed to by society because I am a woman.) I love the way you've conveyed how oblivious you were to what she was talking about and how you managed to report the loosely constructed thoughts that were drifting through your mind.
Re: On Youth Revisited by vulcan	10-Aug-03/7:12 AM
Saying "grim shower" right after you were washing your face made me think you were talking about a (bathing) shower, rather than a rainstorm.
Re: Smoking Clitoris with PHD handles by <{Baba^Yaga}>	10-Aug-03/7:09 AM
Did you mean to include "And so on and so forth" in the nicknames section? Nice job.
Re: a comment on Sagadahoc to Hudson by http://mulberryfairy	10-Aug-03/6:46 AM
Well, I thought about specifically saying that she, the narrator, was going to turn down a later trip on a different bus, but thought it'd be anti-climatic. I think, in spite of her planning and her full intention to do the deed, she was ambivalent, and she realized that too much planning had gone into it, it couldn't be as sexy and spontaneous as she'd hoped because of the spacial barriers involved (which neccesitated the extreme planning). So, it was almost better that she had an excuse for it not to happen, rather than have it happen and have the experience not live up to their expectations.
Re: a comment on Sagadahoc to Hudson by http://mulberryfairy	10-Aug-03/6:40 AM
No, sadly, just a strap-on.
Re: a comment on 1967 Ford Carmine Jalopy by SupremeDreamer	10-Aug-03/6:39 AM
Right, I got that, but isn't there something you could call them besides "emerald"? It's too Disney for my taste.
Re: Gaolbreak: Jade Marlboro by DreamerSupreme	9-Aug-03/9:33 PM
Yeah, I know what you mean. I was once a part of a cubicle community. I think you should call them proletarians. I didn't like the " 'round noon-time" part. I though noon-time was a New England saying (as if noon were something other than a time).
Re: 1967 Ford Carmine Jalopy by SupremeDreamer	9-Aug-03/9:27 PM
Oh, but could've done w/out the "emerald eyes" (been there).
Re: 1967 Ford Carmine Jalopy by SupremeDreamer	9-Aug-03/9:26 PM
Very nice. I loved this one: "Frayed tires roam intumescing ferroconcrete, unfolded infinitely along the gangdoms of Los Angeles."- good vocabulary words!
Re: Stalker by OnTheOtherHand	8-Aug-03/5:35 PM
Nice allusion to Poe. It didn't really need the repeated verse at the end. Maybe it would be better if you did half a repeated verse, then changed the second half to give us more info.
Re: Portsmouth belle 3 by Garrett S Sexton	8-Aug-03/5:30 PM
Yawn. How about a deeper look?
Re: a comment on Yellow Cake for Everyone by Retaliate	8-Aug-03/5:19 PM
Bad science is bad. There is an army scientist who has spoken up about the dangers of depleted uranium, and he is pointing out the relationship between DU and the sickness reported by veterans of the first Gulf War. But again, you are refering to the army as if it were one person with one set of thoughts.
Re: a comment on Myopic Labotomized Hubris by Retaliate	8-Aug-03/5:14 PM
I like the new ending, it is a little less obvious and cliche than grabbing the wheel. However, I don't know about this bilging business. My dictionary (which may or may not be inadequate) says that the verb form of bilge means 1)to become damaged in the bilge (which is, in noun form, the bulging part of a cask or barrel) or 2) to rest on the bilge. I think you need something more like purge, ablute, or pass, like passing a parasitic worm.
Re: a comment on Looking down by INTRANSIT	8-Aug-03/2:21 PM
Oh yes, much better, but it is much more vague, too, doubt I would've gotten it in its present form. But still very nice.
Re: Looking down by INTRANSIT	7-Aug-03/7:10 PM
I think the words "indecent" and "proposal" can never again be used next to each other. The rest is good.
Re: Duet by rusty	7-Aug-03/7:09 PM
Yikes! You need to get back to the safety of floors. I enjoyed it.
Re: God is a Lady by thepinkbunnyofdoom	7-Aug-03/7:05 PM
I like the image of god's highrise apt. with pictures of kitties. Couple of typos: "She get(S) many calls still but enjoys other's (should be others') misery"
Re: blue lilac and I (edit) by richa	7-Aug-03/6:44 PM
Great. But yeah, like INTRANSIT said, the trombone? The trombone is such a circus instrument, makes it seem like this moment is going on in the background of a cakewalk. Is that what you are going for? The tone doesn't seem so jolly as to call for a trombone solo. That is my only complaint, 10.
Re: Myopic Labotomized Hubris by Retaliate	7-Aug-03/6:35 PM
Your bodiless head reminds me of Futurama. Workers of the world unite.