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On Youth Revisited (Free verse) by vulcan A breeze comes and goes festively,
I wash my face
And water, splash!
My new face is like a rainbow
After a grim shower.
Now, methinks
I'm younger than before...
Behind me is a Door
That opens I know
Into a chaos
Of Nightingales and flow'rs.
Up the ladder:
love your mother:
Down the ladder:
runs away
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Posted: August 10, 2003 3:13 AM PDT; Last modified: April 22, 2008 10:45 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.905148 Overall Rank: 9698 Comments:
[n/a]
Don-Quixote @ 204.31.171.100
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10-Aug-03/3:50 AM
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Reply
chaos isnt something a vulcan can comprehend.. but a dreamer lives the chaos realm! heh.
Saying "grim shower" right after you were washing your face made me think you were talking about a (bathing) shower, rather than a rainstorm.
'I wash my face/ and water splash' means you wash a water splash. Punctuation needed methinks.
"Rainbow after a grim shower" just doesn't work, but neither does the last verse, and "methinks" doesn't fit either. Sorry.
My new face is...younger than before...a chaos
Of Nightingales and flow'rs. Yeah. Works for me.
No.
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