Re: The Longest Wait (Revised) by Caducus	5-Aug-03/10:15 AM
Hint: I sing, I sang, I have sung.
Re: Angel by abecedarian	6-Aug-03/5:12 PM
What couldn't you see, the angel or the angel's face? "It" doesn't really work there, even if you are trying to keep the angel's gender a secret. I thought that was a pretty cool way to say that you did her, the "dark" violating her, and you protecting her.
Re: Love by Ditchamal	6-Aug-03/5:17 PM
Could use some commas, some phrases ran together and became difficult to read. Misspelled "sickness".
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Aug-03/6:22 PM
"But like a farmer waiting patient for the crop." I read this a few times looking at it grammatically, and though I like it, I think it should say "...like a patient farmer waiting for the crop" or "like a farmer waiting patiently for the crop" or "farmer waiting, patient, for the crop". Misspelled afraid there at the end. Very nice improvements. I like "the dream made real"- nice description of that phenomenon of the sex dream (with some random acquaintance) that you feel compelled to bring into reality.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Aug-03/6:29 PM
You changed the title from one word that was not in the dictionary to another word that is not in the dictionary, what is this, e-talk? Exerts? What recipe is this?
Re: Bon Voyage by Jeremi B. Handrinos	6-Aug-03/6:37 PM
Well written and funny. I wasn't sure about this "In this lifeboat with you?" second line's question mark. Was that because you weren't always "with" the person? Maybe it should say "In this lifeboat with (?) you" because it is definitely not a question.
Re: smile by nolan	6-Aug-03/6:41 PM
I like the sort of word association feel, and the way you've demonstrated how circular thinking can be, but this is loaded with overused expressions/images.
Re: Perfection Forever by odon919	6-Aug-03/6:44 PM
I hope this is a joke.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Aug-03/6:49 PM
I guess I don't know that feeling, could you make it a little more descriptive in a way that a woman might be able to relate? Is "it" your cum or your penis? Is "you" yourself or the one referred to later as "she"? If you are holding in your cum, how are you "done"? Throw me a rope!
Re: There can be only one by Shardik	6-Aug-03/6:58 PM
Is "Jeremi B. Handrinos" your father or son? Are you purposely being confusing about whether the father or son survived? At the beginning, the father said to the son "I'm sorry you'll go", but at the end, father says "My deadweight a ton" "left you with none in a boat you can't row". Your quotation marks were a little inconsistent, even though I could tell you were setting off the mantra "There can only be one" I think some other things the father said should've been in quoatation marks.
Re: Puerto Rican Tequila by Don-Quixote	6-Aug-03/7:07 PM
I grimace in pain at the taste of tequila too. I think this gets good at "i don't wish to see again", but the preceding lines need some rethinking, though they have their good parts. Also, need apostrophes "skull's gray flesh" and "cannibals' barbecue"
Re: TimeShifter by DreamMachine	6-Aug-03/7:12 PM
Did you mean to play on the word "perish" by misspelling it as parish? If so, I approve. But you should fix the spelling of ignorance to make parish look more purposeful.
Re: Yellow Cake for Everyone by Retaliate	7-Aug-03/6:11 PM
"W knew where exactly where the cake was"- You have an extra "where" in there. I like the idea, but you know the army is getting sick from depleted uranium, too, so I think "army doesn't care about uranium" is a little harsh, since most of the army is made up of normal, working class people, not the people who make decisions about uranium.
Re: Definition of Hypocrisy by Retaliate	7-Aug-03/6:14 PM
Rhetoric, yes, but I like the contrast you've laid out for your readers: says this/does this. www.impeachbush.com
Re: Inet. mag. editors R jealous red haired Jews, oh and I'm 29 by horus8	7-Aug-03/6:30 PM
How could you fictionalize birthday trauma? On a nonfiction note: On my 11th neglected birthday my parents forgot me at the YMCA after closing hours (with their phone off the hook until the janitor had to give me a ride home at the hour of 10 o'clock.) It is too painful to even attempt to rhyme. Sniff.
Re: Myopic Labotomized Hubris by Retaliate	7-Aug-03/6:35 PM
Your bodiless head reminds me of Futurama. Workers of the world unite.
Re: blue lilac and I (edit) by richa	7-Aug-03/6:44 PM
Great. But yeah, like INTRANSIT said, the trombone? The trombone is such a circus instrument, makes it seem like this moment is going on in the background of a cakewalk. Is that what you are going for? The tone doesn't seem so jolly as to call for a trombone solo. That is my only complaint, 10.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Aug-03/6:49 PM
I love a good sex dream.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Aug-03/6:51 PM
You can do it.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Aug-03/6:56 PM
One of your best, but the "burning is all I can feel" begs to be insulted with a comment about STD's, especially since it follows the line about the narrator's past.