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smile (Free verse) by nolan
i write the way i feel i can't tell it to your eyes i talk to a screen the emotion in your eyes scares me i am scared you aren't scary, but i think i am i think my mind is my only friend i am bitter life sucks i should be able to control mine i am confused because it is late i don't know where you are i am here alone scared there is something special in the air i kill it all as i turn on the tv i am a mindless creature i don't care i don't care i did once and was hurt i am hurt you didn't care i am left at the starting and end of a vicous circle circles are strange i like strange it is different i like differences because i am i am as you want me to be i feel with every word i shake with every hit i fight to live i live i am scared of the unknown tomorrow is the unknown aswell i am strong i still care i care as i feel the tears run down my eyes when i think of you when i think of people people talking people smiling i smile smilies are all i have

Up the ladder: Elephant Man
Down the ladder: A Sailors Bottle Message

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 10
.. 00
.. 10
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.. 10
.. 00
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.. 10
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.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.4
Weighted score: 5.0476813
Overall Rank: 6854
Posted: July 10, 2003 1:32 AM PDT; Last modified: August 6, 2003 1:15 AM PDT
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Comments:
[6] richa @ 81.86.235.232 | 10-Jul-03/3:59 AM | Reply
not a lot of insight here and the description relies on cliche.

However I do feel a certain empathy with these feelings but that is more what I bring to the poem than you I think
[n/a] nolan @ 65.93.27.148 > richa | 10-Jul-03/11:32 AM | Reply
shit...... maybe i am living on big cliche.... but aren't we all?
[n/a] nolan @ 65.93.27.148 > nolan | 10-Jul-03/11:32 AM | Reply
*in one
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 10-Jul-03/10:02 AM | Reply
Change the last line to "and kill motherfuckers" Otherwise the rest was just pointless jerking.
[8] Luzr @ 24.209.21.223 | 10-Jul-03/10:10 AM | Reply
DreamerSupreme Style. -8-
Its good but does touch on the cliche, side.
[7] Birdpia @ 202.152.47.172 | 19-Jul-03/8:25 AM | Reply
in your line sixth, there's a typo "sacry" ? and erm, 'zombie' in this touching poem breaks the poem :/ but i like your wording, it makes people touching in some part.. i give you 7
[n/a] EAger to Offend @ 65.95.241.3 | 19-Jul-03/11:41 AM | Reply
I respect the pathos but this really lacks focus.
[6] Crakyamuni @ 140.211.113.122 | 20-Jul-03/12:56 PM | Reply
sudden infant death is harsh. I understand .
[6] http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.145.219 | 6-Aug-03/6:41 PM | Reply
I like the sort of word association feel, and the way you've demonstrated how circular thinking can be, but this is loaded with overused expressions/images.
[8] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.159.218.5 | 7-Aug-03/12:03 AM | Reply
Good one. I felt just like that once-- a couple of times.
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