| Re: selflessness by NNirvana13666 |
21-Aug-03/2:06 PM |
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i started reading it, i puked.. cmon, be fucking original, give me something worth reading, give me something that will make me grin when i start reading it... CPR required man, really.
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| Re: faulty fate by Nirvana13666 |
21-Aug-03/2:03 PM |
*chew* -spit- ok man, was your girlie fondling you when you wrote this? lets title this "the ode of elmo"
We forget how to smile innocently
innocence loses its luster around puberty, werent you aware of that fact?? bleh.
heres a 5.
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| Re: super-power by Nirvana13666 |
21-Aug-03/1:59 PM |
I think i wrote something like this once.. i was 13 back then.. i still slam a hammer into my head everytime i look at it again..
pseudo-political.. and there is not much "anarchy" in politics.. its all laid out, its only confusing for you obviously..
heres a 3..
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| Re: You and I by Nirvana13666 |
21-Aug-03/1:56 PM |
moosh.. im melting.. cmon now, can you put a new spin on this love shit? give it some sparkle? make it dance? something like that? i feel cheated charlie.. i want my money back.
Nothing strong enough to last
ibogaine can last upto 3 days.. is that strong enough?
blessed with 6.
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| Re: Blind Sight by Nirvana13666 |
21-Aug-03/1:44 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Forget it...k? by psikosis |
21-Aug-03/1:42 PM |
you talk like you know what your babbling about.. you dont..
"my heart bleeds" ok, this has been used who knows how many times... and adding black blood doesnt help. stop talking out your ass.
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| Re: a comment on eyeh8LIEph by psikosis |
21-Aug-03/1:40 PM |
it has nothing to do with the fact that he didnt write about flowers and happy thoughts.. not many here do.. because thats been fucking done 20000 millions times..
Nah, its because this poem is cliche, crappy, not well formed or constructed, and FAILS utterly to provide anything of value to the reader.
and man, look at what this person posted... THERES NOT AN INKLING OF HOPE. joejoe has more chances at enhancing his talent, since even his shit is alot better than this.. pfft.
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| Re: The Better of the Sea by abecedarian |
21-Aug-03/4:21 AM |
nice work.. just one thing bugs me:
Whose cradling caring grip
take the word caring and toss it into a trashcan.. its useless filler.. that makes the line weak.. it made my eyes sore..
blessed with nine
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| Re: a comment on How A Panhandler Kills by SupremeDreamer |
21-Aug-03/4:05 AM |
joe.. your really obsessed with this profoundness bullshit.. my poem isnt that profound.. its actually a very simple output..
and its a poem.. free verse.. if your dont agree, tag it as prose, i dont give a shit. btw, read my response i gave you on my trailer park piece.
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| Re: Upon a falling star (new/changed) by LuckyJoe |
21-Aug-03/3:49 AM |
"And how many times must I wish upon a falling star"
and? wheres the beginning? JOE??? cmon man, just look, read that.. doesnt it make you wonder whether its a
continuation of some earlier stanzas?
the rhyme is forced into a rigid form.. and frankly, the whole damned poem is cliche.. your sentences are undercooked.
forget attempting to fix this thing, because your looking at a complete rewrite.. be brave, move the fuck on, and stop saving whatever the hell your writing saying "its not worthy"
pfff.. dont become a pussy.
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| Re: a comment on Stargazing Illusionist by DreamerSupreme |
21-Aug-03/3:13 AM |
no im not. ;/ ok ok, i wont argue.. bleh.. you never fail to ride my ass, thanks. shall do better..
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| Re: a comment on A ballerina bubble bath by horus8 |
18-Aug-03/6:29 PM |
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its been on 24/7 for the whole week. ;P
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| Re: a comment on A ballerina bubble bath by horus8 |
18-Aug-03/6:26 PM |
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gimme the address and ill kill you with a needle injection..
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| Re: a comment on A ballerina bubble bath by horus8 |
18-Aug-03/5:56 PM |
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... whats the big deal horus? i dont want to kill.. thats merciful.
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| Re: a comment on A ballerina bubble bath by horus8 |
18-Aug-03/5:02 PM |
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are you trying to goad me into commiting murder? ;/ how evil.
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| Re: a comment on A ballerina bubble bath by horus8 |
18-Aug-03/3:35 PM |
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im a lover not a fighter. ;/
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| Re: a comment on Angels Struggle by SupremeDreamer |
18-Aug-03/3:33 PM |
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who are you? and why are you commenting on my old shitty poetry? eh?
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| Re: a comment on A ballerina bubble bath by horus8 |
18-Aug-03/3:01 PM |
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im not into murder.. im a care bear.
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| Re: a comment on A Rose by LuckyJoe |
18-Aug-03/2:15 PM |
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| Re: a comment on A ballerina bubble bath by horus8 |
18-Aug-03/2:11 PM |
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