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faulty fate (Free verse) by Nirvana13666
Our minds so clouded by the impediments of expectations Left breathless by failure Frightened to attempt because disenchantment lurks Losing only made the winner stronger in the end And if you don’t suffer defeat I don’t see how you can identify it as a triumph Minds so riled up at world Lost in all the commotion and vulnerable to the confusion We forget how to smile innocently And we don’t recall why we can’t struggle against intimacy We lose sense of rebelliousness and fall into mendaciousness Helplessness won’t aid you on the journey of an original life It will surely leave you bitter and wish-less cause all you ever did was wish for it. No time for metaphorical lines of inspiration Walk through time looking through your own eyes Disregard demise and step into life

Up the ladder: super-power
Down the ladder: systematic turbulence

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.2
Weighted score: 4.904638
Overall Rank: 9830
Posted: August 21, 2003 8:59 AM PDT; Last modified: August 21, 2003 8:59 AM PDT
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Comments:
[6] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 21-Aug-03/11:30 AM | Reply
Sounds like you need to condense this into a fortune cookie and sit on it for another ten weeks.
[5] SupremeDreamer @ 66.52.155.80 | 21-Aug-03/2:03 PM | Reply
*chew* -spit- ok man, was your girlie fondling you when you wrote this? lets title this "the ode of elmo"

We forget how to smile innocently

innocence loses its luster around puberty, werent you aware of that fact?? bleh.

heres a 5.
[n/a] Nirvana13666 @ 205.188.208.102 | 22-Aug-03/7:41 AM | Reply
I'd like to inform my readers that I am a female. Please don't judge if your own stuff is basically crap. I want a talented writer to review my stuff then I'll take comments into consideration.
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > Nirvana13666 | 22-Aug-03/10:48 AM | Reply
not everyone can paint, but every one can see, girlie.
take ourself down a peg, wouldja?
[n/a] Nirvana13666 @ 152.163.252.72 | 9-Sep-03/1:07 PM | Reply
I see you are one of my biggest fans.....Keep watching because it only gets better love. Thanks for being brutal with some of your comments but true talent doesn't need attitude to back it up. I have been writing for years now buddy and just because my stuff isn't structured doesn't mean I don't know what I’m doing. We have choices to make and with expression that is mainly what it is about. HAVE A NICE DAY :)
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