regarding some deleted poem...	6-May-04/7:55 AM
pity the lilies can't be made to last, as well. but prhaps that's why they are sweetest of all.
Re: The Influence of Anxiety by Nicholas Jones	7-May-04/2:27 PM
http://poemranker.com/suggestion-browse.jsp?id=100892
Re: selfhood, through extrospection by nentwined	10-May-04/8:00 PM
nice. now it all comes clear. alles ist klar.
Re: Litany by zodiac	6-Jun-04/4:02 PM
nice one
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Jun-04/12:36 AM
what have you changed, in this version?
Re: mutiny by Bill Z Bub	8-Jun-04/6:43 PM
welcome back, bub.
Re: Fool by arduinn	9-Jun-04/7:03 PM
and? come on now. you can do better than that.
Re: today the world is beauty by nentwined	2-Jul-04/5:44 PM
too many times the world is this way. but as a poem, it is telling more than showinhg. and i am a dick, maybe. but that is that. a weak, insignificant teary-eyed one, whose dreams are so different than the waking world.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Jul-04/5:49 PM
so, you didn't boil and eat him?
Re: She washed over me by nentwined	19-Sep-04/7:51 PM
oy. ready? set? crit: She washed over me like water, >>k—washed over me doesn’t need to be qualified with ‘like water’—>>economize your words for greater effect. and I knew love like love had never known; >>abstract she wriggled into every crevice, licked me clean, then left-- >>okay, now we’re getting somewhere. Was it a salty tongue, like >>sharkskin, so smooth on the approach yet tearing and scraping >>like sandpaper as it pulled away? but she came back, caressed me down, deeper still. >>and what did that feel like? She went and came like some sick little game >>yep. Yep. Very clear to me. and I was stone, alone and uncertain; >> I have a hard time with stones being uncertain. They don’t roll. >>They know where they’ll wake up tomorrow. They know what they are >>going to wear tonight. And they definitely know if they look fat >>in that. her visitations slowly eroded my hesitation and I became used to her comings and goings. >>tides? To repeat the water/comparison to elementals metaphor? We settled into a long routine, then: love when she was there >>delete “then” and happy rememberings on her trips away. >>both of you settled into this >both of you with the happy rememberings? Slowly, though, she found my deep imperfections and seeping into them she'd leave a piece of herself behind to whip cold and hot. >>finding and seeping cold maybe be better verbs? More insidious? She'd tell herself tales when she returned and slowly I cracked, I crumbled, >>what sort of tales? About what? Why? And how did it come >>about that you heard them? and she'd whisk those pieces away, rounding them to pebbles, then sand while I remained less and less. >>again, delete “then” The strength of her love never waned and in time it became too much for what was left of me, one raw stone, and I let go. >>you never showed us that she loved you, only that she tortures you I entered her to and fro, another pawn of her whimsy to slowly be rounded to nothing through pleasure. >>apart from ‘pawn’ being overused, the rounding to nothing slowly through pleasure is quite good.
Re: I dreamt a white Black widow by INTRANSIT	8-Oct-04/10:54 AM
http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=oddlyEnoughNews&;storyID=6452056&src=rss/oddlyEnoughNews&section=news
Re: Lost key for a hall-closet by zodiac	27-Apr-05/6:29 AM
the first 4 stanzas reeled me in, vivid world. you lost me when you started with her thinking about the lingere--what does that have to do with the lost key? okay, i say, maybe he'll pull it together later, and i read on. and then you offer me the last chance--the scallops on the stove and the half-naked woman--and still, no key. okay, i get it it, but the integrration needs work. her sudden realization that 'it isn't here'--why is that an 'of course' reaction?
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Apr-05/6:33 AM
i find myuself agreeing with dovina--the third stanza is where the writing kicks in strong; the first two are a set-upthat i don't really think you need as you show it in the other two.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Jun-05/1:22 PM
basically, i agree with what DoubleU said. I thin, for what it is, it goes along pretty well, but you build us up and then deflate us with an ending that is much weaker than the rest of the piece.
Re: quick by <~>	14-Jun-05/1:23 PM
this poem was written for a word-list challenge. there was a 30 minute time limit.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Jun-05/1:28 PM
very nice set-up and well executed.
Re: Mr. Campbell's final journey by jroday	14-Jun-05/1:32 PM
i wonder at the choice of name, especially since the 'realitiies rage' opening conjures up Joseph Campbell and his 'Power of Myth'
Re: Flicking by INTRANSIT	21-Jun-05/1:42 PM
to me, chicanes means trickery, and in that context, i think it works extraordinarily well, rich. nice double entendre.
regarding some deleted poem...	8-Jul-05/6:17 AM
Cad, this passage is strikung: Framed in televisions this masterpiece comes alive as a soup of limbs stirred by microphones. this piece definitely expresses the sentiment of the meoment.
Re: Spontaneous Combustion by wilco	8-Jul-05/6:55 AM
this has a nice bounce to it until the last stanza. why did you break it?