Re: CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN by prettyktm	20-Jul-05/7:43 AM
this makes a good Lyric.
Re: Moving Up by jessicazee	20-Jul-05/7:46 AM
not sure if the promotion is to her position at home, or if she's been promoted at work. other than that, i like what you've done. but that one part could be clearer.
Re: the smallest box will do by elderking	20-Jul-05/7:52 AM
very nicely done.
Re: Inoculation by bamf909	20-Jul-05/7:54 AM
nice elaboration on a theme.
Re: Oh this little mouse, love by cpill	20-Jul-05/7:56 AM
this has a nice playful feel to it, but "i love you" feels a bit over the top.
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Jul-05/7:57 AM
nice.
Re: Let the Healing Begin by http://bandgeek	20-Jul-05/7:58 AM
well told.
Re: A Good Man Ruined by Dovina	20-Jul-05/8:03 AM
somehow i feel this one might have been more effective written from the engineer's point of view.
Re: Break Free by Fayt	20-Jul-05/8:05 AM
and...? i want more from this.
Re: The cat who would fly by nentwined	11-Aug-05/1:54 PM
placid may not be the right word, k. it diminishes the impact of the rest of the otherwise strong poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Oct-05/7:04 AM
i'd like to see what that smell evoked. give me the feeling that the smell brought up in you.
Re: The End by Caducus	14-Oct-05/10:00 AM
i don't think it is. the fact that you are wishing in the next stanza implies that you are living, and i don't think you need to make the promise to. nice job, cad.
Re: Marriage by Dovina	19-Oct-05/6:37 AM
is that what you think marriage is about?
Re: Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	19-Oct-05/6:41 AM
I love this: I want to tell you I fear falling into religion and the scaffold of proper nouns, greetings, and expansive gestures - but the sentence seems convoluted to me, and i am not sure of your meaning. not that i need to be sure, it's jsut that i want a clearer reason for these bold statement to link in with that lasting, last image.
Re: Farm animals by INTRANSIT	19-Oct-05/6:44 AM
the language here is quite intriguing, rich, and i agree with dovina that it took a while to work out that the sun was a different entity than the rooster, although that should be obvious. my question to you here is, do we only awaken once, or do we only awaken once as one of these things you mention?
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Oct-05/1:41 PM
knowing that Shannon is a she makes it for me. This is lovely. well done, sir!
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Oct-05/1:46 PM
a couple of suggestions, if i may: a comma, here: as he sat pretty, rotting. transpose the words from: but he only loved his jailor. to: but he loved only his jailor. a period here, to stop the thought: heard him sing a winter opus. and rearrange this: sent sweet dew on his grave to glisten. to this, to cross-rhyme it instead of end-rhyming: sent sweet dew to glisten on his grave. and the last few lines, i would lose the rhymes, as they are inconsistent with the rest of the poem. quite the experiment.
Re: Leg by jessicazee	21-Oct-05/11:34 AM
nice.
Re: Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac	24-Oct-05/11:23 AM
you nailed it. bravo.
Re: Haven by cyan9	24-Oct-05/11:24 AM
i want to feel you from the inside.