Re: a comment on Ghost by lastobelus	29-Jan-04/4:32 PM
Woopee, I'm learning to edit! This is a monumental achievement for me, and why I came here to hang out after getting spanked on eratosphere.
Re: a comment on Dream Wars by lastobelus	29-Jan-04/3:32 PM
I stole the two unders from myself! (Taller Girl) I hesitated to use BMW, then opted for verisimilitude. All taxis in Germany are BMW's. I originally had "The pale car..", maybe I'll go back to that. on the path is probably better, I will take that advice. you don't like black night of the sky is moving to indigo?!! Damn. I will think about that, maybe I can find something better. Question: do you think his made up dream for her is cheesy enough, or should it be cheesier, to make the point more? and is it clear that when he's imagining her face in the sand he starts to see her as a giant octopus, or should I just say it?
Re: a comment on Dream Wars by lastobelus	29-Jan-04/3:18 PM
God no. 5500 hits on google :) Interestingly, though, few dictionaries cite the verb form. But it's heavily used in swords & sorcery novels, romance novels and cheesy porn stories. "His lips quirked" is a stock cliche in all three of those genres.
Re: a comment on The Hermit by sykes	29-Jan-04/10:55 AM
Oh does this one rhyme? I didn't notice, I guess I was too wrapped up untangling tenses and thinking about Nietzche rolling his eyes.
Re: a comment on Cold Rain Road by middenHeap	29-Jan-04/10:46 AM
You're right, the "but" is entirely unnecessary. I think your right about steel cubes too, but I haven't anything better to mind. I'll have to think about it. It was written at different times, almost everything I write is, sometimes with years in between additions. I also think I want to ditch soul in the third line, and just say "Knows me for my similarity." Whaddya think?
Re: a comment on I don't fit in by devina	29-Jan-04/10:39 AM
You can write what you want. Readers can say what they want. Why should the freedom go only one way? If you don't want to hear what people have to say about what you write, don't post. If you want to hear only a particular type of comment about what you write, post somewhere that is censored and moderated and targeted at your demographic group. There are other online poetry forums where, if you posted this particular piece of shite, they wouldn't say anything at all, they would simply delete your post and your account.
Re: The Hermit by sykes	29-Jan-04/4:27 AM
Dieser hier ist kein Übermensch, sondern ein Überkitsch.
Re: a comment on Camera Obscura by Fear of Garbage	28-Jan-04/10:35 AM
His science fiction is far above almost all other science fiction. They are novels first, science fiction second. Player of Games is indeed excellent, but Use of Weapons is my favourite. If you're an old school science fiction short story fan, you'll remember the twist is the thing. Use of Weapons is the best twist evar. In any case, start with Wasp Factory and read the whole oeuvre, there aren't any stinkers in the lot.
Re: a comment on Ghost by lastobelus	28-Jan-04/10:02 AM
yeah, it's pretty sappy, eh? I wrote it on a napkin in the Hari Krishna temple in Laguna Beach at one of their huge weekly dinners. The one part I like is "I vibrate in the strings between stars/and have become a throat of the sun." I'm not sure it's a pimple, though, just sappy. I've another sappy pome from the same evening that I'll post later.
Re: a comment on My happy warm faith poem by Jeremi B. Handrinos	28-Jan-04/4:01 AM
Whether or not it's a sentence fragment is not an opinion. Whether or not it should STAY a sentence fragment would be an opinion, but I did not express any such opinion. Merely asked.
Re: a comment on Are You O.K.? by sonawrote	28-Jan-04/3:50 AM
sure. She can do whatever the fuck she wants. Then, subsequently, we the readers can SAY whatever the fuck we want about what she did. That's the famous corollary to Poetic License--Reader's License. Also know as the Calling You on Your Bullshit License.
Re: a comment on Camera Obscura by Fear of Garbage	28-Jan-04/3:43 AM
The amazon link doesn't work for me, but instead takes me to either "Middlesex: a Novel" or "One Hundred Years of Solitude (Oprah's Book Club)"
Re: a comment on Camera Obscura by Fear of Garbage	28-Jan-04/2:05 AM
I think I know Fred Chappell from eratosphere. The most contemporary poet I know is Martha Hollander. Some years ago I spent a day reading obscure poetry reviews in the library, hating almost all of it save this one poem by Martha Hollander. So I bought her book, Game of Statues, which I still read occasionally and still find beautiful.
Re: a comment on Camera Obscura by Fear of Garbage	28-Jan-04/2:02 AM
Yes, it's excellent. My favourite of the Iain M. Banks bunch is Use of Weapons. And of the Iain Banks bunch, I guess I would say The Crow Road. With The Bridge as a close second. I think there's only one that I haven't read yet.
Re: a comment on Here In The Heart of Amber by Lenore	27-Jan-04/2:48 PM
ok, I retract my comment. I'm not sure why "keep" bothered me. Possibly because I'm insane?
Re: Thoughts by nicole081083	24-Jan-04/4:50 AM
It would take at most fifteen minutes to revise this to have reasonable rhythm instead of totally fucked rhythm and to fix the broken rhyme in the last stanza. How lazy can you be?
Re: The Grandfather Suite by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	24-Jan-04/4:36 AM
When Granddaddy gave us a lickin' He kept time with the hall clock's slow tickin' It wasn't the pain That made us insane But so long to his stump to be stickin'
Re: a comment on For the Lonely by snowing	24-Jan-04/3:55 AM
Princess, I recommend this pome: http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=5813 Evidently, the two of you speak the same language.
Re: a comment on Late Night Moon by lastobelus	24-Jan-04/3:47 AM
Entertaining the possibility that these are sincere questions I will respond to them at face value: it's an old relationship, comfortable perhaps, but no longer based on romance, and this is a rare romantic moment. The narrator is rather reluctant to participate in the romantic moon cliche, tries to deny it by slandering the moon with anti-romantic descriptions, but succumbs to it in the end anyway. foot/feet -- possibly your right but I don't think it matters and feet sounds better.
Re: a comment on O Endless Angst, Thou Stingeth Me by Goad	18-Jan-04/12:38 PM
The title is because, although I may be more facile with words than the average teenager, the actual content of the pome is standard pimple pome Weltschmerz.