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I don't fit in (Free verse) by devina I'm so deppresed,
don't know what to do.
I feel so alone,
I wish I knew.
Where everyone is,
what everyone do.
I miss my friends,
I wish they knew.
I don't fit in here,
in this new place.
In my heart it's an empty space.
I made some choices in my life,
I made a lot of mistakes.
But do I have to pay for them forever?
And now I'm sitting here,
in this whole new place.
I don't fit in,
I'm all alone.
Will it be like this forever?
I wish I knew.
I hate this place,
it's a whole knew space.
I just don't fit in.
Up the ladder:
Dispersion
Down the ladder:
The Day Wendy Punched My Horse in the Gills
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 1.0
Posted: October 8, 2002 1:49 AM PDT; Last modified: February 11, 2004 9:46 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.8102965 Overall Rank: 10943 Comments:
[7]
vulcan @ 80.242.3.31
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8-Oct-02/4:10 AM
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Reply
I like this!7/10
been there felt that..
real close to home
Woeful. 0. If I had a pound for every outpouring of teenage angst that I've read on this site, I'd be a very rich man. There's nothing particularly wrong with your words apart from being a masterclass in how to write dull cliches, but PLEASE change the subject matter and stop sounding so whiny and pathetic. Look up unoriginal in the dictionary, and this poem would be there. I am offended to my core.
I don't fit in either. Anywhere. You need to find your own little niche. Or you'll end up like George III, the mollusc king who never found his rock. We're all molluscs, and we all need our rocks, but some of us find it harder than others. Or something.
i suppose we all need some sadness to be happy. after all how will we know we are happy if we are never sad. All bad times eventually pass away leaving us wiser than before.
i know that many people call this a "Teen Angst" poem or what not...i think it is good...i belive that poetry is poetry, and people shouldnt say what you should be writting or what you shouldnt...this is just my opinion but i find poems to be what ever the hell your feeling, a lot of people can relate or not to those feelings so i think you should keep pouring your heart out no matter what people say...it's YOUR poem...
NOT theirs!
You can write what you want. Readers can say what they want. Why should the freedom go only one way?
If you don't want to hear what people have to say about what you write, don't post. If you want to hear only a particular type of comment about what you write, post somewhere that is censored and moderated and targeted at your demographic group. There are other online poetry forums where, if you posted this particular piece of shite, they wouldn't say anything at all, they would simply delete your post and your account.
I notice you made no comment on my pome when you came to my page to whine about my cruelty--kinda makes what you said somewhat hypocritical, don't you think?
I change my vote to a 10. There's your green bar where you want it. Everyone who counts will know exactly what that 10 means. You posted your pome without any intention of improving it. If you'd had any intention of improving it, you'd have fixed the glaring grammatical and word-use mistakes. You say hole instead of whole. You say knew instead of new. You said "what everyone do". These are incredibly stupid mistakes of grammar, but are not really that important. Here's the real reason everyone who counts condemned your pome: You chose as a topic something that is written about constantly, and didn't bother to say anything at all new, original or creative about it. The entire pome is "telling" -- ZERO "showing". Not a single concrete detail, just cliche after endless cliche. There is absolutely nothing in 23 lines that allows us to identify anything at all about the narrator, or their situation. Nothing. Not a color, not an image, not a glimpse of character, no people, no buildings, no trees, no rooms, no anything. No carefully manicured metaphors, nor sprawling similes. Nothing at all of interest. Why didn't you just post "I don't fit in and I feel shitty about it." There isn't anything else in your 23 lines but a repetition of that. If you had ever read anything at all about poetry anywhere, you would know that all telling with no showing is THE cardinal sin of poetry. You can break any other rule -- ANY other rule -- and get away with it if you do it creatively and skillfully, but not this one. How is it that you don't know this about poetry? Or that you failed to see it in what you wrote? If you are too lazy too learn anything about writing before you post your babblings, why should anyone take you seriously or show you any respect? In any other field of endeavour in life, could you walk in without making any effort to learn what's what and expect anyone to respond to you with anything other than derision? People being cruel just for the fun of it is a very effective force for improving your poetry. Here's why: they know nothing about you. Nothing at all. The only ability they have to be cruel is what the pomes you post give them. In other words, those pointlessly cruel comments are indeed pointing out exactly what is wrong with you poetry, if you are willing to listen. A lot of the commentary & posturing I do on here is because I want to provoke people into being cruel to me, or more specifically, to the pomes I post. Because I WANT to know when I've written something stupid, so I can improve. Is that enough actual targeted criticism for you? Or did you even bother to read this far. You don't deserve targeted criticism, because you haven't made enough effort to learn anything on your own yet. You fucking stupid bint. 211 view(s)
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