Re: A Wanderlust To The New by fevriere	17-Apr-05/6:03 PM
"So what is this thrumming coin on the strand?" is very nice.
Re: a comment on For the Lonely by snowing	11-Jun-04/11:27 AM
"pome" is an affectation, not a misspelling. And my comment was directed toward Princess. Notice the similar use of tense in her comment and the pome I directed her to. Or, "to which I directed her" if it makes you feel better.
Re: Goodbye by Sunshine Conkey	21-Feb-04/10:11 AM
ick. passive aggressive faux-self-sacrificing whining. stay away.
Re: a comment on AIDS in a Glass by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	21-Feb-04/10:07 AM
lolol how do you come to that conclusion? This is a limerick. Look up limerick. A DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC of limericks is that they are bawdy/risque/absurd. Go on, look up limerick. This is a limerick. It is absurdly humorous. That is because it is supposed to be, because...it is a fucking limerick! The only kind of person who would read a limerick and than take it as the writer making some sort of sincere statement about the world is the kind of person who is unable to get the point in a colossally magnificent way. Congratulations, you have publicly declared yourself to the world of pomeranker to be that kind of person. The only reason you are able to confuse writing a limerick with intolerance is because you yourself are a narrow-minded knee-jerking prick.
Re: a comment on AIDS in a Glass by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	21-Feb-04/9:54 AM
You know how when you go to the doctor, he has a little rubber hammer, and he hits you below the knee to test your reflexes? This pome is that little rubber hammer. You fucking kneejerking bint.
Re: Burn by XpunkXgirlX	16-Feb-04/4:35 PM
wow, in the course of this pome you slit your wrists, drown, bleed to death, and are apparently chopped up into pieces. How will you ever recover from such dire abuse in time to post another pome next week? Recovering would take weeks, if not months, of hospitalization. So if we see another post in the next couple of weeks we'll all know the pome was bullshit hyperbole.
Re: The feeling by devina	16-Feb-04/3:36 PM
This love, it vibrates?
Re: Gone Wrong by XpunkXgirlX	16-Feb-04/3:16 PM
Jesus christ it must be difficult to walk down the street of a typical american city these days what with all the debris from exploding/shattered teen hearts, the corpses littering the sidewalks of kids who just couldn't handle their life of never being hungry and having the best medical care, schooling, clothing, & toys in the history of mankind. Whine whine whine whine whine whine whine. You are no punk. You're a fucking whiner. There's another 16 year old on here who actually knows how to write. She's called Fear of Garbage. Maybe she's 17 now. Look her up: THAT's poetry. This is not poetry. It's whining.
Re: a comment on Taller Girl by lastobelus	15-Feb-04/4:58 PM
I will attack this again some time in the next few weeks. Maybe I'll even post it on eratosphere, if I'm feeling masochistic. Reading again I see some very elementary problems. I musta been on crack when I edited & reposted this.
Re: a comment on Triptych: Rural by lastobelus	15-Feb-04/4:54 PM
...uncles lean on cars, their beer takes away the sting. -- might actually be better, in terms of the main meaning. Good edit. However, uncles leaning on THEIR cars is a very personal image for me -- the family reunions at my grandma's house with my father's 13 surviving siblings, their spouses, and a bazillion cousins. So ima gonna hafta leave this one the way she be.
Re: a comment on After the ice season ~ shamelessly lewd revision by zodiac	8-Feb-04/1:46 PM
Me too! Chills every time. Weird isn't it? it's such a simple little thing -- but it affects many people that way. It's the unnaturally perfect rhythm, perhaps?
Re: After the ice season ~ shamelessly lewd revision by zodiac	8-Feb-04/1:27 PM
Once again I admire your ability to construct naturally flowing inversion-free rhyming lines. well I suppose there is one inversion, but it seems totally natural. I find myself wanting to know something about the reason for the long ice season... This has just a hint of "O western wind..." about it. Was that a source of inspiration at all? What if you made an explicit reference...would it add or just be trite?
Re: a comment on Taller Girl by lastobelus	8-Feb-04/10:33 AM
shit, I made it worse???? oops. but teacher, the periods have a purpose! I'm drumming! It's not affectation if it's for a reason, is it? Ok, I confess, I'm reading him again. Should I ditch almost all the cummingsesqueness but leave S.2. L.2 as it stands? can I get away with keeping S1L6 too? The rest I can concede as affectation, including the brackets, and happily toss.
Re: a comment on First Shot by lastobelus	8-Feb-04/10:08 AM
It's open to public. They have a new rule in the non-metrical forum that you must make 15 editorial posts before posting a pome. Er, poem. http://www.ablemuse.com/erato/Ultimate.cgi
Re: a comment on First Shot by lastobelus	8-Feb-04/9:29 AM
To be honest, though I can see the merit in a lot of the stuff posted on eratosphere, it mostly leaves me cold emotionally. I have no pretensions about why this is, I know it is at least partly and probably largely because my level of sophistication as a reader is lower than that of the average poster there. Still, there's almost never any balls hanging out and when there are they are quickly neatly trimmed away. Some things that are praised seem completely empty and obvious to me, stuff I'd write in notes and throw away as being completely boring and unoriginal.
Re: a comment on First Shot by lastobelus	8-Feb-04/7:07 AM
"up field" could be "upfield" or "up-field". -- will do The word "darkens" isn't right. -- hmm, have to think about that I feel like "nor him neither" should be "nor him either". -- yeah, that was on purpose wanting to capture a little rural sound, but it jars needlessly so I'll change it "pay it for the shooting"? The crow? Like a native american tradition, or just ambiguous wording - you paid with guilt for the shooting? -- this is the part of the pome that I can see really doesn't work. What I WANT to convey is the last -- that the kid (who is a natural shot -- not just good but very suprisingly good) enjoys shooting so much he's willing to pay for it with the sick feeling of killing something. I'll have to work on that part a bunch. I don't feel like the repetition of "and" in the last sentence does what you want it to, which I can clearly see you trying to do. It would be just as well, maybe, with a period after guncotton and no and before my. -- not sure if i get this... This is my favorite one of yours so far. You know how I love a good narrative. Bravo and tchuss. -- Why thank you! This is NEW by the way. Woot. I posted on eratosphere, and wasn't totally crucified for a change. Although the first commenter did just post a single "?" as his comment. Asshole, lol. My comeuppance. The other posters' opinions were basically "crap, but crap with good potential"
Re: a comment on Triptych: Rural by lastobelus	8-Feb-04/6:23 AM
umm, wouldn't that kill the double meaning? the uncles are taking away sting too.
Re: a comment on Taller Girl by lastobelus	7-Feb-04/7:03 PM
Whimsy is, by its very nature, uncrushable.
Re: a comment on Ducks With AIDs (a feeble attempt of something different) by Blindpoetry	7-Feb-04/2:07 PM
Young sir, I must admonish you that in this constituency when a man rattles his sabre in your direction, it is not only proper but indeede requisite to rattle your owne sabre back at him. In fact, in the circumstance of such a supererogatory rattling of the sabre as we have seen here, it would not be at all out of line to slam one's pinte to the table, roar to one's feet sending the bench tumbling and the barmaids flying to the corners (hands trembling 'pon their expansive bosoms), and give the offending rattler a nick about the ear or nose. I trust that in the future you will be more circumspect.
Re: before I forget by moonUnit	7-Feb-04/1:36 PM
I'm giving this an 8 too. It's not really an 8 for me now, but I think it has the potential to be a 10. "I will be out" bothers me -- what, out of prison? out on your own? out for lunch? out of the office? I agree with biteme that the cracks...red umbrella line is excellent.