DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Cold Rain Road

Member since 2003 · Posted 28 Jan 2004 · Edited 28 Jan 2004 · 16 comments

That black bird Hunched in the rain on a pole, Knows my soul for its similarity And cries out once, without blinking. But I am too distant And he turns his head, While the steel cubes of men hiss mindlessly by me. They are blank, cars, and have no soul And I cannot Tell whether one might skid suddenly And destroy me. My fragile egg body Walks gingerly in the wet And I feel the same shame that draped me When, seven, I pissed myself in the mall.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.43 weighted 5.12 rank 5998 views 384 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

16 comments

[7] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 28-Jan-04/2:12 PM Reply

An olive spitting out its pimiento; an elderly gentleman engaging in "Single-Handed Sailing". Which is the lewder?

[n/a] middenHeap › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 28-Jan-04/2:25 PM Reply

Am I being characterized as an elderly gentleman? Have all my affectations of pomposity paid off? In any case, I was quite young and ignorant when I wrote this one, but it is a bit of a wank. I say soul twice!

[8] zodiac 28-Jan-04/2:29 PM Reply

No comma after skid. The 'man' reference is weird. It either sticks out too much or not enough. You are no old gentleman; you are as vernal as the Spring. On another string I hypothesize you as a young lady.

[7] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › zodiac 28-Jan-04/2:35 PM Reply

'As vernal as the Spring' is undoubtedly the stupidest remark I have read on Poemeranker to-day. -10-

[n/a] middenHeap › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 28-Jan-04/3:00 PM Reply

in and of itself, or in reference to me? come on, I'm vernal. You know I'm vernal, Dark Angel. A little bit vernal? Just a little?

[8] zodiac › middenHeap 28-Jan-04/3:01 PM Reply

In and of itself. Vernal is Spring.

[n/a] middenHeap › zodiac 28-Jan-04/2:55 PM Reply

Good call, is it less intrusive like this?

[8] zodiac › middenHeap 28-Jan-04/3:03 PM Reply

Yes.

[n/a] middenHeap › zodiac 28-Jan-04/2:58 PM Reply

"On another string I hypothesize you as a young lady." where's this? Come now, would a young lady have read the coffee pome and immediately thought mmHMM, I want the writer of this to come by my house RIGHT NOW?

[8] zodiac › middenHeap 28-Jan-04/3:02 PM Reply

I believe all ladies think thusly, my expectations of women being completely corrupted by internet porn.

[7] Lenore 28-Jan-04/4:24 PM Reply

The last line is as useless as tits on a nun. Otherwise I liked it. 7

[10] god'swife 28-Jan-04/11:03 PM Reply

Mighty damn good.

[7] Fear of Garbage 29-Jan-04/7:36 AM Reply

alright. i like: hunched black bird,the pole, fragile egg body, gingerly, the jarring last line.
i dislike: beginning a line with the word "but," steel cubes (a poor metaphor) and i think thats about it.
interesting but ultimately could be much better if you just wrote it all together like a flow and din't worry about. i might be wrong but this sounds like it was written at different times...there are these intervals..

[n/a] lastobelus › Fear of Garbage 29-Jan-04/10:46 AM Reply

You're right, the "but" is entirely unnecessary.

I think your right about steel cubes too, but I haven't anything better to mind. I'll have to think about it.

It was written at different times, almost everything I write is, sometimes with years in between additions.

I also think I want to ditch soul in the third line, and just say "Knows me for my similarity." Whaddya think?

[n/a] middenHeap › Fear of Garbage 1-Feb-04/2:07 PM Reply

When will you post again? Your poems have synaesthesized in my mind into a cool dark taste, which I thirst for.

[6] fevriere 1-Mar-04/3:28 AM Reply

Liked the first half but "steel cubes" lost my interest. And the ending - must every poemranker poet discuss piss, shit or paedophilia in every goddamn poem? I can't take this vulgarity much longer. *le "tired artist" sigh*