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Cold Rain Road (Free verse) by middenHeap

That black bird Hunched in the rain on a pole, Knows my soul for its similarity And cries out once, without blinking. But I am too distant And he turns his head, While the steel cubes of men hiss mindlessly by me. They are blank, cars, and have no soul And I cannot Tell whether one might skid suddenly And destroy me. My fragile egg body Walks gingerly in the wet And I feel the same shame that draped me When, seven, I pissed myself in the mall.

Fear of Garbage 29-Jan-04/7:36 AM
alright. i like: hunched black bird,the pole, fragile egg body, gingerly, the jarring last line.
i dislike: beginning a line with the word "but," steel cubes (a poor metaphor) and i think thats about it.
interesting but ultimately could be much better if you just wrote it all together like a flow and din't worry about. i might be wrong but this sounds like it was written at different times...there are these intervals..




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