Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Are You O.K.? (Free verse) by sonawrote
No one ever asked me .... what's wrong they just go on ... to make the assumption consumption .... of every day life that's what's wrong ... what do you say make up excuses ... of all their uses our consumption ... of everyday life does it really matter ... what they say are you okay??? ... today answer me ... without delay i don't want to ... make the assumption of what everyone says .... or fall into consumption of every day life hey, hey, Are you okay??

Up the ladder: Maman: Psychic Tophet
Down the ladder: be yourself

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
10  .. 20
.. 00
.. 11
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20

Arithmetic Mean: 6.125
Weighted score: 5.302559
Overall Rank: 3671
Posted: January 26, 2004 7:48 PM PST; Last modified: January 26, 2004 7:48 PM PST
View voting details
[8] Shuushin @ | 27-Jan-04/6:31 AM | Reply
I think it would be a grand percent better without the "without delay" - as it is, its fairly good and I can see it working very well at a poetry reading.
[6] zodiac @ | 27-Jan-04/5:34 PM | Reply
This is a mess. Is your .-button stuck? Are you ok? Do you know what consumption is?
[n/a] Blindpoetry @ > zodiac | 27-Jan-04/6:54 PM | Reply
nothing against what you say (as some stuff people reply to creates arguments, I've learned) ...but wouldn't that just be called a "poetic license"?

...but I'm kind of new to poetry terms right now... so correct me if I'm wrong.
[6] zodiac @ > Blindpoetry | 27-Jan-04/7:04 PM | Reply
No. Poetic license is when writers who are already immensely famous (usually for no particular reason) do annoying things that people who don't know better have to respect. We, the drudges in the black coal-mines of poetry, are not entitled to it. When we try, they tell us we're just amateurish.
[n/a] Blindpoetry @ > zodiac | 27-Jan-04/7:40 PM | Reply
ah, I see...
[n/a] lastobelus @ > Blindpoetry | 28-Jan-04/3:50 AM | Reply
sure. She can do whatever the fuck she wants. Then, subsequently, we the readers can SAY whatever the fuck we want about what she did. That's the famous corollary to Poetic License--Reader's License. Also know as the Calling You on Your Bullshit License.
[6] zodiac @ > lastobelus | 28-Jan-04/6:56 AM | Reply
Good point. It should also be said that good content often excuses poetically licensed form; but weird form almost never makes up for lack of content.
[n/a] sonawrote @ | 28-Jan-04/8:27 PM | Reply
then in that case I was ahead of was written when I was 14 in Chem class.....board meetings were 10 years away.....
248 view(s)

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2021 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001