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Are You O.K.? (Free verse) by sonawrote No one ever asked me .... what's wrong
they just go on ... to make the assumption
consumption .... of every day life
that's what's wrong ... what do you say
make up excuses ... of all their uses
our consumption ... of everyday life
does it really matter ... what they say
are you okay??? ... today
answer me ... without delay
i don't want to ... make the assumption
of what everyone says ....
or fall into consumption
of every day life
hey, hey,
Are you okay??
Up the ladder:
Hand Job
Down the ladder:
First Warm Day on Santa Barbara Bay
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.125
Posted: January 26, 2004 7:48 PM PST; Last modified: January 26, 2004 7:48 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.302559 Overall Rank: 3674 Comments:
[8]
Shuushin @ 147.154.235.53
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27-Jan-04/6:31 AM
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Reply
I think it would be a grand percent better without the "without delay" - as it is, its fairly good and I can see it working very well at a poetry reading.
This is a mess. Is your .-button stuck? Are you ok? Do you know what consumption is?
nothing against what you say (as some stuff people reply to creates arguments, I've learned) ...but wouldn't that just be called a "poetic license"?
...but I'm kind of new to poetry terms right now... so correct me if I'm wrong.
No. Poetic license is when writers who are already immensely famous (usually for no particular reason) do annoying things that people who don't know better have to respect. We, the drudges in the black coal-mines of poetry, are not entitled to it. When we try, they tell us we're just amateurish.
ah, I see...
sure. She can do whatever the fuck she wants. Then, subsequently, we the readers can SAY whatever the fuck we want about what she did. That's the famous corollary to Poetic License--Reader's License. Also know as the Calling You on Your Bullshit License.
Good point. It should also be said that good content often excuses poetically licensed form; but weird form almost never makes up for lack of content.
then in that case I was ahead of myself....it was written when I was 14 in Chem class.....board meetings were 10 years away.....
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