| Re: rainfall saga 7 by Bill Z Bub |
24-Oct-03/5:59 AM |
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Hey! This is much better. I'll bump you up to a five.
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| Re: Three Fall by <~> |
24-Oct-03/6:09 AM |
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This begs for repeated reads, and gets better with each one.
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| Re: Backyard by <~> |
24-Oct-03/6:14 AM |
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Descriptive and fairly technical, yet somehow bland. Like a Rococo painting.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Oct-03/6:29 AM |
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The image is strong even if the vernacular bugs me a little. Double suffixes (as in "fascistic") drive me crazy and do not read well. "Dark corps" is great in this context. This is on the better side of goth.
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| Re: every moment will soon be memory by calliope |
24-Oct-03/6:35 AM |
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I can appreciate a sober thought expressed clearly and simply. Agree with Bill though, the elipse is pointless.
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| Re: Breasts by Stephen Robins |
24-Oct-03/6:42 AM |
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I feel your pain. And the Coleridge reference is cute.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Oct-03/6:47 AM |
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I like it. I'd clean up the last two lines. Perhaps "clad in dust and web" or something...but not quite that pretentious, 'cuz that's my style.
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| Re: falling in with the wrong crowd. by richa |
24-Oct-03/6:55 AM |
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It's very clear, yet vague enough to keep me meditating upon the metaphor. The senile woman version sounds like it would be a little more story-like, but I'd like to read it none the less.
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| Re: Are You Experienced? by EAger to Offend |
12-Dec-04/2:26 AM |
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That is simply because you are not experienced. But for 5 bucks a hit... you could be.
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| Re: That One Time Last Summer, Remember? by jessicazee |
12-Dec-04/3:18 AM |
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Inexplicibly good! I get a great feeling from this. Both intimate and delicate. 10
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| Re: Going Camping by jessicazee |
12-Dec-04/3:21 AM |
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This is a good sketch for the poem that evolved from it.
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| Re: Tonight by jessicazee |
12-Dec-04/3:28 AM |
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Wow! I can't understand the low scores on this one. Even when your writing is a little unhinged I find you establish a feeling. Maybe it's just because I'm a nature nut.
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| Re: Things I Will Never Do by jessicazee |
12-Dec-04/3:41 AM |
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| Re: Love Bruises by Jezabele-In-Hell |
12-Dec-04/4:20 AM |
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The title and concept are great, actually. The poem is just a very raw explaination. Give us some imagery and try to work in some poetic devices. I think you have over-explained it in this version so please don't waste your time on trying to clarify the idea in later versions. Just make us feel the way you feel.
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| Re: Love Bruises by Jezabele-In-Hell |
12-Dec-04/4:20 AM |
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The title and concept are great, actually. The poem is just a very raw explaination. Give us some imagery and try to work in some poetic devices. I think you have over-explained it in this version so please don't waste your time on trying to clarify the idea in later versions. Just make us feel the way you feel.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Dec-04/10:51 PM |
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...uhhh, try "the jetsom of my desire."
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| Re: I want to press my fingertips by bwaha |
18-Apr-07/9:48 PM |
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I dig it. Perhaps some other word(s) can maintain the sensitivity of this piece better than "human life". Sorry I don't have a suitable substitute at the ready.
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| Re: Makin' Bacon by NICKDRP |
18-Apr-07/9:58 PM |
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I think that "neat" is the perfect word to end this on. Not only is it a juvenile complement to the whimsy of this piece, the conotation is just as Leave-it-to-Beaver, 50's-ish as a the very bacon breakfast of which you speak.
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| Re: Subway moments by azntsarina |
18-Apr-07/10:09 PM |
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Ditto richa's comment on the Unions Station piece.
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| Re: ~Methinks~ by wDaphnew |
9-Nov-11/1:59 PM |
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