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Going Camping (Free verse) by jessicazee
A quick death, a campfired moth. Ash so light, wings disappear, flying, dying again toward the canopy. You can only see above your wooden flame one half hour of meteor shower. A few sites down at the outhouse the shower drips all night, mulberry trees whisper, "please shake us" "we need to let things go"

Up the ladder: bifurcation
Down the ladder: 3/12/06

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.9525743
Overall Rank: 8853
Posted: December 8, 2004 10:58 PM PST; Last modified: December 8, 2004 10:58 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] Dovina @ 69.175.6.101 | 10-Dec-04/5:21 PM | Reply
The first three verses great. And the mulberry tree lines are good - seem to complete the moth lines. But in between, well, why?
[n/a] EAger to Offend @ 65.95.241.26 | 12-Dec-04/3:21 AM | Reply
This is a good sketch for the poem that evolved from it.
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