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Love Bruises (Free verse) by Jezabele-In-Hell The last time we made love
You left bruises on my legs
For the first time in my life
I hate to see them fade
For every day that passes by
They slowly go away
I wish they could stay forever
So I would never forget
How incredible you felt against me
The last time we made love
They are a reminder
Of how intense love is
How incredible sex can be
I fear the day when I wake up
And my bruises are completely gone
I wish my love could fade so easy
Then my heart could go on
Up the ladder:
Mr Blobby V skooby doo!!
Down the ladder:
Snowy evening
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.8
Posted: November 25, 2004 7:21 PM PST; Last modified: November 25, 2004 7:21 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.9761596 Overall Rank: 8368 Comments:
[n/a]
Jezabele-In-Hell @ 68.18.2.49
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25-Nov-04/7:22 PM
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Reply
I don't think it's good..Maybe because I keep reading it over and over...I need some opinions here.
I don't think it's good either. Too plain. And doesn't make sense that you want the bruises to remain. Sorry
because they are 'love bruises'.
The getting of sexual pleasure from being mistreated, or hurt physically or otherwise by a partner is not something I can understand, but neither is lot of what goes on for pleasure. The way she describes the bruises on her legs sounds like kicking or blows of some kind. âlove bruisesâ â okay, whatever turns her on.
No...Just bruise easily. Wasn't mistreated.
I guess I can understand why you want the bruises to remain as long as possible; to serve as a reminder, proof. But like Dovina said, it's too plain.
Thanks. I will work on making it have more depth.
The title and concept are great, actually. The poem is just a very raw explaination. Give us some imagery and try to work in some poetic devices. I think you have over-explained it in this version so please don't waste your time on trying to clarify the idea in later versions. Just make us feel the way you feel.
The title and concept are great, actually. The poem is just a very raw explaination. Give us some imagery and try to work in some poetic devices. I think you have over-explained it in this version so please don't waste your time on trying to clarify the idea in later versions. Just make us feel the way you feel.
bruises on the heart fade much more slowly than those of the body. sometimes there never really gone and the slightest touch or a harsh thought can bring your bruises to the surface again
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