| Re: Line Fuck by JoyLuck |
2-Jul-03/3:54 PM |
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| Re: MotherF*ckers Who Fuck Above/Two Story Apartment by JoyLuck |
2-Jul-03/3:29 PM |
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This is amazing, never thought i could laugh so much at some words in the shape of a house. Genius, fuck the people who say it isn't funny-it's humour is in the fact it is a poem/picture. 10
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| Re: a comment on Mirror to Mirror by Roisin |
11-Jun-03/11:52 AM |
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Do you mean you like it except the cliche in the last line or do you mean keep it? I'm very confused!
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| Re: a comment on Water Runs Deep by shwenatjadeflower |
23-May-03/8:16 AM |
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Thanks for the tirade of abuse that you launched upon me yesterday. It neither made my day nor destroyed it. You do have an interesting way of constructing insults-is there any way you can put this to use except on poemranker? Not saying it's not welcome here of course but i was just wondering whether this is your only outlet. If so perhaps you could try out being that old grumbling man on the bus that dribbles, mumbles about steak and kidney pies and occasionally pisses himself.
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| Re: Alone by aurora |
22-May-03/11:04 AM |
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Really insightful. I too have felt like that and it ani't pretty!
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| Re: Warmth by shwenatjadeflower |
22-May-03/10:54 AM |
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Really beautiful-nice one 8
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| Re: Water Runs Deep by shwenatjadeflower |
22-May-03/10:47 AM |
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Ok, it's a little to cliqued in parts but i like the part about the ping pong ball guided by the paddle and hand.I know what you mean by the sentiment of the poem. A world where everyones waters ran deep would indeed be a truly marvellous place. But at least there are some and not none at all!
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| Re: a comment on Mirror to Mirror by Roisin |
31-Mar-03/9:27 AM |
Okay, apology accepted. Are you okay? Had you been drinking when the noodle thing happened?
Perhaps you should maybe see a doctor but if you wanna talk (or write) about it then I'll try and advise you as best i can.
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| Re: a comment on Mirror to Mirror by Roisin |
28-Mar-03/10:24 AM |
I have no skills? Thankyou for your advice but I think that is a bit of a sweeping statement about my whole ability as a writer don't you think?
I know that this poem i9s not very good, I wrote it stoned off my face and simply put it on here to get some constructive advice. I knew that there was
a problem with the final image but i had a bit of a mental block and just shoved that line in at the end to give it
some temporary finishing line. You have previously commented positively on my poetry and so this barrage of (as I see it) not
quite insulting and borderline abuse comes as quite a shock. While your advice is somewhat useful several of the revised lines
that you suggested misunderstand the voice and theme of the poem. "I will walk your trail" suggests an image of
following someone's lifestyle, doing things in the same way that they do them where as it was supposed to get across a
sense of following, shadowing a person. I will continue to redraft this poem as is the only way to improve a piece
of work. Please remember that all art forms, including poetry are subjective. The notion of being 'skilled' surely is an objective claim
and cannot be legitimately applied to a subjective practice. Feel free to have that line you invented 'curled like an autumn leaf waiting to die' because a) it
would be totally incoherent as a similie in this poem and b) A curled autumn leaf would already be dead thus the image of it waiting to die would be nonsensical.
Finally, yes I do know what I'm talking about but the question is do you
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| Re: Clown of Misery II by nocturnalism |
28-Feb-03/2:37 AM |
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Needs a bit of work on the rythm just to make it flow a bit better. would sound pretty googd as a song-sort of range against the machine stylee typa thing!
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| Re: Should I Go? by RobinGayle |
9-Nov-02/3:33 PM |
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yes...you should go!He/she obviously isn't sure of what they want enough for you to trust them with your emotions. Perhaps if you show independance he/she will be more attracted to you-What am i doing? This aint no problem page!!!! Errrrr...Nice poem, good flow.
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| Re: The Office by ellisonandrew |
9-Nov-02/1:10 PM |
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Funny and so so true!The first stanza is the strongest. You should print this poem out and hang it on your office wall then see the faces crack!
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| Re: Plastic People by cosmiccantinaguy |
9-Nov-02/9:10 AM |
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You are more human than they will ever be. They have never come face to face with their own mortality as you have and they probably never will do until that moment when, just before they climax with their cheap little whore they look into her cold eyes and feel that she is holding her elbow tight over his fat neck so that she can take his fat wallet and leave him to lie dead in his own spunk.
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| Re: ALONE by NewbieMe |
9-Nov-02/6:43 AM |
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This wonderfully encaptures the harsh truth in life, those that face the fact that we are all independant and alone are far stronger than those that have a herd mentality, finding strength in others. I like the way the poem moves from before this realisation to this realisation.
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| Re: Complete Futility by ellisonandrew |
9-Nov-02/6:39 AM |
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This got me! Brilliant up to the last stanza where the rhythm and flow need a little work as it doesn't fit in so well with the rest of the poem. other than that, a heart felt piece with carefully selected choice of words. Nice one!
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| Re: Spontaneous Combustion/The Moth by ellisonandrew |
9-Nov-02/6:36 AM |
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Interesting. Yes, staying calm is the best way to attack. If who you want to attack is heading for demise the best way is to stay passive and watch it be! I liked the last line. Not sure about the relevance of the last line of first stanza. Is it appropriate to the rest of the poem?Also maybe realise was too strong a word to use as surely the moth is not stronger in the end?
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| Re: My New Enemy??? by fallrocks87 |
9-Nov-02/5:00 AM |
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First four stanza show real emotion and the realization of a dilemma that the reader can really relate to. It doesn't flow as well as it could. the last two stanza are a bit childish with words like "boy" and "jerk". Poem did move me however but perhaps that's because i have just been fucked over myself!
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| Re: It's something about you by devina |
8-Nov-02/4:22 PM |
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| Re: Search of Love by loneshadow29 |
8-Nov-02/10:41 AM |
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| Re: Goodbye Daddy by NewbieMe |
8-Nov-02/10:35 AM |
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