poemranker ::Goodbye Daddy by NewbieMe

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Other № 24358

Goodbye Daddy

by NewbieMe

Member since 2002 · Posted 8 Nov 2002 · 4 comments

I love you daddy, as I tried to be composed Be strong for me daddy, as I see him gasps for air I'm here for you daddy, as I watch him on his bed Please try harder daddy, as I wipe the sweat off his forehead Say something daddy, as I see his eyes close Don't leave me daddy, as I feel his hand grow cold I'll miss you daddy, as I see him drift away Be happy where you are daddy, I'll never forget this day

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.27 rank 3807 views 191 View voting details →

8 votes so far. Yours would make 9.8 votes so far

4 comments

[6] Roisin 8-Nov-02/10:35 AM Reply
Moving.
[7] Caducus 13-Nov-02/6:09 AM Reply
Hi newbieme, first of all I thought your poem was very moving, its a bit freaky as i too wrote a poem called 'Goodbye Dad' and when i post it next week i want you to read it because the scene you set is similar to mine. I imagine that could be read at a funeral and dont forget mate, poetry is not always about critical consensus most people would be moved by your poem and that makes it a force, you know this aint W.H Audens 'Funeral' but its your Auden and i respect that, if it was any Dad they would be proud.
[7] Caducus 13-Nov-02/6:10 AM Reply
forgot to vote 7/10
[8] thepinkbunnyofdoom 22-Feb-03/9:14 AM Reply
Hmmm... I like the way this sorta moves you but the language seems just a little forced. -8-