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Goodbye Daddy (Other) by NewbieMe I love you daddy, as I tried to be composed
Be strong for me daddy, as I see him gasps for air
I'm here for you daddy, as I watch him on his bed
Please try harder daddy, as I wipe the sweat off his forehead
Say something daddy, as I see his eyes close
Don't leave me daddy, as I feel his hand grow cold
I'll miss you daddy, as I see him drift away
Be happy where you are daddy, I'll never forget this day
Up the ladder:
you from above
Down the ladder:
The Magical Hairy Chair
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: November 8, 2002 10:31 AM PST; Last modified: November 8, 2002 10:31 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.2689414 Overall Rank: 3811 Comments:
[6]
Roisin @ 80.225.44.175
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8-Nov-02/10:35 AM
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Reply
Moving.
Hi newbieme, first of all I thought your poem was very moving, its a bit freaky as i too wrote a poem called 'Goodbye Dad' and when i post it next week i want you to read it because the scene you set is similar to mine. I imagine that could be read at a funeral and dont forget mate, poetry is not always about critical consensus most people would be moved by your poem and that makes it a force, you know this aint W.H Audens 'Funeral' but its your Auden and i respect that, if it was any Dad they would be proud.
forgot to vote 7/10
Hmmm... I like the way this sorta moves you but the language seems just a little forced. -8-
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