| Re: Dolly was a damn fine lamb by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
7-Mar-03/7:51 AM |
I think she looks good for her age.
(actuially i like this poem)
|
|
|
 |
| Re: The Beauty of His Last Night Wasted by OneFingerAnswer |
7-Mar-03/10:14 AM |
|
this really dosn't say anything.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Mar-03/10:43 AM |
|
could be stronger and more precise...
|
|
|
|
| Re: Grampa's Proverb by OneFingerAnswer |
7-Mar-03/7:41 AM |
|
"a" rather than "his" perhaps?
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Mar-03/7:47 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: Over Wait by flatliner |
21-May-03/10:34 AM |
|
"too easy to drift". true. it's too hard to pay attention when something doesn't say anything at all, rambling ambiguity rambilng redundantly in nothingness but repetition. Yeehaa maw. chicken feet.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-May-03/9:49 AM |
I agree. the third is the best
|
|
|
|
| Re: Paranoia by lastobelus |
14-Mar-03/9:22 AM |
|
reminded me of some of the DaDa poetry--I like the egg in the hair reference. You've captured paranoia here.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Lately by lastobelus |
14-Mar-03/9:16 AM |
|
I believe that you could tie in the crumbling of crackers with the sand sifting.... just a thought. Other than that, I would suggest that you tighten tha language a little bit...Powerful images and overall well done. 8
|
|
|
|
| Re: van Gogh's Irises by lastobelus |
14-Mar-03/9:19 AM |
2nd line (in parentheses) is redundant with the title.
also, I suggest cutting "Some kind of" to strengthen the image of forgotten flags--and then ask yourself if the last two lines are truly needed for the meaning of the poem...
a valiant effort...you have a good grasp on imagery and "fresh" language.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Love spank by Shardik |
7-Mar-03/10:13 AM |
|
know? you mean "no", i am certain.
|
|
|
|
| Re: who? by Crakyamuni |
7-Mar-03/10:12 AM |
|
hrmmmm... syllables, OK... content - iffy, not very funny, really kind of mediocre.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Loud Taps by celiff |
7-Mar-03/7:52 AM |
|
how kindergarten like. I bet kids would love this--nice rhythm and simplicity... bad title, though.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Aries, the God of war by Shardik |
7-Mar-03/7:50 AM |
Hoving?
No entry found for hoving.
4 suggestions found:
loving
moving
roving
homing
shoving?
you've masked the meaning too much, i think.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Mar-03/7:53 AM |
martinis?
parhaps you've had a few because your meaning is muddled and now i'm befuddled.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Harry Potter and the philosophers stone by ==Doylum |
7-Mar-03/7:46 AM |
|
I didn't read it--but it is not a haiku.
|
|
|
|
| Re: The Stand... an off rip by horus8 |
7-Mar-03/7:46 AM |
|
much shorter than the original book. They could've saved a lot of paper.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Resurrection (for Gods Wife) by Mr Pig |
7-Mar-03/7:45 AM |
4
7
4
I see a pattern here - thematically and form wise.
I'm also curious as to how so many of yours keep coming up--it would explain how your numbers got so high.
|
|
|
|
| Re: The unlucky Janitor haikus by Bachus |
7-Mar-03/10:15 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: No more tears, or trail by Bachus |
7-Mar-03/10:16 AM |
|
not as good as it could be. this format may be too limiting to what you are trying to say.
|
|
|
|
