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van Gogh's Irises (Free verse) by lastobelus They had them out today in pots
(van Gogh's irises) the gray sky buckling
over umbrellas and women hurried
by in the spat rain, none stopping
to the flowers.
I stayed and watched
and the pots stood in the rain
while the yellow lights came on
and shone around them. Seeing
them there in the dark air like
some kind of forgotten flags
brought me as low
as though it were my own loss.
Up the ladder:
Love Turn
Down the ladder:
The Beach
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.1666665
Posted: March 9, 2003 4:16 PM PST; Last modified: March 9, 2003 4:16 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.5827065 Overall Rank: 2340 Comments:
[10]
daniella @ 200.68.204.132
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11-Mar-03/10:23 PM
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Reply
i can see these hues.
THank god jesus slept in my poppies. All fucking night.@
2nd line (in parentheses) is redundant with the title.
also, I suggest cutting "Some kind of" to strengthen the image of forgotten flags--and then ask yourself if the last two lines are truly needed for the meaning of the poem... a valiant effort...you have a good grasp on imagery and "fresh" language.
Thank you! The parenthetical comment has always bugged me, but I can't bring myself to take it out. The "some kind of" is there purely for slamming, you read it with a silent beat before "some", lean into the mike, and kick the line into the audience's teeth.
Painfulyl evocative. Plus it sounds like it's published.
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