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van Gogh's Irises (Free verse) by lastobelus

They had them out today in pots (van Gogh's irises) the gray sky buckling over umbrellas and women hurried by in the spat rain, none stopping to the flowers. I stayed and watched and the pots stood in the rain while the yellow lights came on and shone around them. Seeing them there in the dark air like some kind of forgotten flags brought me as low as though it were my own loss.

Robert K Foster 14-Mar-03/9:19 AM
2nd line (in parentheses) is redundant with the title.
also, I suggest cutting "Some kind of" to strengthen the image of forgotten flags--and then ask yourself if the last two lines are truly needed for the meaning of the poem...
a valiant effort...you have a good grasp on imagery and "fresh" language.




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