Re: The Way It Is by Tascobar	30-Nov-02/9:06 AM
Not bad but seems a bit bland. Needs more vitality but still a 5 from your poem I derive.
Re: Wonder by Miggy	30-Nov-02/9:09 AM
Rhyme seems forced and contrived. Suggest a revision on this but has potential.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Nov-02/10:28 AM
Good use of metaphor and some excellent lines. Would be better if tightened. Has potential and I derive a 5.
Re: ending by Limness	30-Nov-02/11:47 AM
I liked this. Almost like a Zen koan in its content and ambiguity. This is great and I bestow an 8.
Re: Lonely World by rottweiler1982	30-Nov-02/11:51 AM
Needs some editing but the mood was engaging with a new twist added to an ages old theme.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Nov-02/2:02 PM
Dark Angel, A little dose of skepticism is fine but your obvious penchant for cynicism is striking. An atavistic journey backwards to survival of the fittest. Naked apes with clubs raised, our innate nobility dormant and shared humanity forsaken. The darkness again descending as sounds of chest thumping reverberate in primeval echoes across the love barren land. Beyond skepticism, tha cynic's presence looms; Waiting, probing, menacing. Of course,I may have formed this opinion prematurely and, if so, I apologize. What we say is often in contradiction to what we feel and think:)
Re: Ouch by heroditus	1-Dec-02/12:48 PM
Words of wisdom! Love it! Not out of line to vote you a nine.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Dec-02/2:24 PM
I liked this a lot. My only nit is the ending. (Last line) Obviously, bees do not feel sadness and , even as a metaphor, it doesn't seem to work. How about: "I stroll alone, beside the sea and know the sadness within me."
Re: Bowed by <~>	1-Dec-02/7:10 PM
This is great. Well written and a strong ending. Cupid lives!!:)
Re: Afraid by LovePoet	1-Dec-02/9:03 PM
I suggest you try reading poetry by Whitman, Blake, Thomas (Dylan), Frost and others. I also think you should try writing in free verse as your rhyming words are forced which is a common problem. The old masters made it look easy but it isn't. Good luck.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-02/9:05 AM
Great use of metaphor and some memorable lines. I liked the rhyme scheme or I should say, the absence of one. As to reversing the first two stanzas, it works but I personally would leave them alone. I really enjoyed the read!
Re: ~*Broken Soul*~ by Katie	2-Dec-02/9:20 AM
I enjoyed this. Not overly mawkish and very simple in its content. Almost as if a child could read the words although the meaning goes much deeper. Definitely a cut above most love poems.
Re: On the Swings by Christof	2-Dec-02/9:23 AM
very clever. let me give you a push indeed.:)
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-02/9:35 AM
Wow!!! This is a beaut. Your style and command of language is most impressive. Going back for another read.
Re: FHjk by Dark Angle	2-Dec-02/9:44 AM
I do like the simplicity. Like a zen koan though a bit shorter than most. Highly evocative, so many interpretations to be had from only 7 letters. Also, I like the no punctuation--no capitalizations. It enhances the simplicity.
Re: The obsessive compulsive sloth was a junkie by <{Baba^Yaga}>	3-Dec-02/3:30 PM
I was tired when I first read your poem. I just finished reading it again and it definitely held my interest. Sorry for the negative comment. It is well written and obviously a strong statement, one that most of us would not have the balls to write. Peace:)
Re: First Kiss... by loneshadow29	3-Dec-02/3:43 PM
Some good lines and well written but too many cliches and overly mawkish. (caressed her cheek, touhed her lips, etc.) Try to express your feelings in a less obvious and/or more interesting way. Shining bright like sapphire stars is both redundant and meaningless. When something is shining, its brightness is assumed by the reader. Describe what is unique or perhaps original about her eyes and do away with overused phrases and imagery. Good luck and as mentioned, you have a nice style of writing.
Re: flight by soccer23	3-Dec-02/3:55 PM
A sad little poem but I liked it. It does need editing as there is a bit of redundancy and some words that are unnecessary. One example: Bright blue sky deleted so it reads: She dreams of endless sky. This is minor but so much better IMO. Bright and blue distract from what is a lovely and meaningful sentence. Good luck.
Re: The Devil Made Her Do It by Limness	3-Dec-02/3:58 PM
Nice flow to this and well written. Also, quite original.
Re: You by sweetzephyr	4-Dec-02/8:00 AM
After reading this twice, I was left with no real understanding of your poems meaning. There are too many metaphors and they seem forced. Ex... "In between the twinkle of my exploited eyes.." or: "In the soundproof clandestine tub of my soul..." I did like parts of your poem and would like to see more concrete and understandable metaphors and imagery. All I know about the "You" in your poem are a bunch of metaphors with no real meaning that I can perceive. Good luck:)