DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 20900

On the Swings

Member since 2002 · Posted 17 Oct 2002 · 28 comments

These swings are perilous; take special care. You could fall through the morning, it is so clear, And if you slip now you'll never stop You'll fling like a stone from a sling into space And I will go out And pay for a telescope and minutely trace Your path until Pluto where you'll briefly spark And enter the deep dark forever. Here, let me give you a push.

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mean 5.94 weighted 5.94 rank 1404 views 307 View voting details →

32 votes so far. Yours would make 33.32 votes so far

A favorite of Ranger.

28 comments

[8] INTRANSIT 17-Oct-02/5:41 AM Reply

Swing away! If I shut up long enough, would you mentor me?

[n/a] Christof › INTRANSIT 17-Oct-02/5:45 AM Reply

I'm flattered. I wouldn't know where to start though - Ith ink a person must have balls of steel to sit down and tell someone how to write poems. It's all just from reading reading reading and finding rhythms in your head and being true to your own voice. Not that I always manage to pull it off, but those are the starting points I think. And anyway, I like your stuff, it has honesty.

[8] INTRANSIT › Christof 17-Oct-02/4:16 PM Reply

Thanks for your help Christof, I really appreciate this. V2 is up and a hearty cup of Earl Grey to you:)

[n/a] <~> 17-Oct-02/7:15 AM Reply

this sounds like great fun!
who would you like to give a little shove to, christof?

[n/a] Christof › <~> 17-Oct-02/7:16 AM Reply

I would start with ex-girlfriends and work down through annoying co-workers to irritating TV presenters. I could really have a good time.

[8] Tintagiles 17-Oct-02/8:07 AM Reply

Hee hee hee.

[7] god'swife 17-Oct-02/8:43 AM Reply

Playful.

[8] Frass 17-Oct-02/9:05 AM Reply

I really like it; perhaps the pushee could end up in the Milky Way black hole.

[n/a] Christof › Frass 18-Oct-02/1:52 AM Reply

Yep, best place for them.

[n/a] Nicholas Jones 18-Oct-02/1:46 AM Reply

I remember swinging as hard as I could on the swing in my back garden, then deliberately jumping off as fast as I could. I never thought of the swing as an implement of destruction, though.

[n/a] Christof › Nicholas Jones 18-Oct-02/1:48 AM Reply

Neither had I until I saw this particularly nauseating couple in the park the other day. All that laughing and giggling and big eyes and yuck. Am I a curmudgeon? very probably.

[10] vulcan 18-Oct-02/8:36 AM Reply

10!

[n/a] Christof › vulcan 18-Oct-02/8:37 AM Reply

Thanks Vulcan, who would you fling off the end of the swing?

[10] vulcan › vulcan 18-Oct-02/8:41 AM Reply

Sorry!I do it immediately!will you tell me what exactly was wrong with"Snow-White"?

[n/a] Christof › vulcan 18-Oct-02/8:45 AM Reply

I think really it was a lack of clarity - in trying to capture the derangement of the narrator, the poem itsef became confusing. The usage of 'Sole' is very unusual, the word isn't usually used as a noun unless you're talking about the soles of the feet, which I think put some people off, and the red nose is a comic image and it was hard to be sure if you intended it to be so. It's not a lost cause at all, though - it just comes across as being a bit weird. That can be a good thing, though.

[n/a] Christof › vulcan 18-Oct-02/8:46 AM Reply

Thanks for voting. Does this criticism seem fair?

[10] vulcan › Christof 18-Oct-02/8:48 AM Reply

yes!thank you!but that swelling nose is bitter ironic!

[n/a] Christof › vulcan 18-Oct-02/8:49 AM Reply

OK, good, that's how it reads.

[10] vulcan › Christof 18-Oct-02/9:05 AM Reply

I've sent you something.you may recieve it maybe not immediately!I hope you enjoy it.

[9] knickytoy 18-Oct-02/11:58 AM Reply

Service with a smile (and gritted teeth!) Great imagery but the tone makes it.??

[8] INTRANSIT 18-Oct-02/4:36 PM Reply

No curmudgeon could have written" Instructions to a sculpter". The only reason you have ex-girlfiends is because their glasses were dirty. Very diry indeed! Happy 29th approaching!

[n/a] Christof › INTRANSIT 21-Oct-02/4:24 AM Reply

Thanks! It's on Thursday. I shall start to wave goodbye to my twenties. The thirties are supposed to be good, or so people say.

[8] daniella 19-Oct-02/9:51 PM Reply

hmmm a playful warning/promise towards oblivion or bliss?!

[7] Quarton 2-Dec-02/9:23 AM Reply

very clever. let me give you a push indeed.:)

[9] Nicholas Monson 3-Dec-02/1:26 PM Reply

Very funny. A nice (old fashioned meaning) touch. Stylish. Elegant

[9] Bachus 7-Dec-02/5:27 PM Reply

please do.9.

[8] brazen 24-Dec-02/10:36 PM Reply

i guess this makes you a swinger...sorry, i didn't realize i've become this cheesy

[10] Ranger 8-Dec-07/4:48 AM Reply

This is utterly wonderful. Why is it buried away?