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On the Swings (Free verse) by Christof

These swings are perilous; take special care. You could fall through the morning, it is so clear, And if you slip now you'll never stop You'll fling like a stone from a sling into space And I will go out And pay for a telescope and minutely trace Your path until Pluto where you'll briefly spark And enter the deep dark forever. Here, let me give you a push.

Christof 18-Oct-02/8:45 AM
I think really it was a lack of clarity - in trying to capture the derangement of the narrator, the poem itsef became confusing. The usage of 'Sole' is very unusual, the word isn't usually used as a noun unless you're talking about the soles of the feet, which I think put some people off, and the red nose is a comic image and it was hard to be sure if you intended it to be so. It's not a lost cause at all, though - it just comes across as being a bit weird. That can be a good thing, though.




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