Comments byBill Z Bub, 361–380 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

on the realzz by bxjay170 8 Feb 2003, 11:53 AM
drow.
replying on Pain by Teen14 8 Feb 2003, 11:51 AM
I suggest writing a poem about the moment you found out she was in the hospital. How did it happen? Or perhaps a poem about visiting her.
Get a little more specific.

!Hey, wow! Constructive criticism?! What the?!
replying on Raw boy chiva by horus8 7 Feb 2003, 5:19 PM
Speaking of hands, you'd better wash yours. And use a tissue when you wipe, for Buddha's sake.
Snot nosed brat.
on Raw boy chiva by horus8 7 Feb 2003, 2:59 PM
Original as always, falcongod.
replying on downtown bus by Bill Z Bub 7 Feb 2003, 2:45 PM
Ah, I see. "cheap knockoff" is a complement! Of course! The day you stop laughing at others long enough to see you're standing in manure is the day you stop getting pissed on by goats.
replying on downtown bus by Bill Z Bub 7 Feb 2003, 1:23 PM
If ever there was a time to say "fuck you"...
on Grampa's Proverb by OneFingerAnswer 5 Feb 2003, 8:15 AM
Aside from the massacre of the word phoenix, the syllable count is wrong.
Still not bad.
How about:
"when man uses flame
to kill a phoenix, he makes
his own enemy"
or
"a new enemy"
Either way. Unless you don't care that it's not a Haiku, in which case, it's cool.
Sometimes the stream of consciousness is polluted and all the fishies wash up on the shore.
replying on The Kansas City Chiefs suck by Jeremi B. Handrinos 2 Feb 2003, 8:30 PM
toodlepip.

just got back online. my modem exploded.
>insert comment here<
on All I Feel by brokenwing 30 Jan 2003, 8:03 PM
I quite like "Your face is gently bathed
in the moons flourescent beams,
and shows no indication
of the content of your dreams."
But you lost me with the awkwardness of
"I have never known such beauty
as the body lying on my bed 3 feet away,
who seems to grow even more so
when touched by the light of day."
How about: "I've never known such beauty
as that which rests 3 feet away.
You seem to grow much more so,
untouched by light of day.
replying on unsent by Bill Z Bub 30 Jan 2003, 7:23 PM
Wha? Er, okay. Besides the first line, which I'm having troubles with, I believe this to be one of my best. Now you've made me doubt. I'm horribly insecure about my writing. Sad.
replying on unsent by Bill Z Bub 30 Jan 2003, 7:19 PM
Thankya. I'm still struggling with the opening line to this one. I am going to change it soon.
replying on a poet in the city by Bill Z Bub 30 Jan 2003, 7:31 AM
chopped liver? what makes you think yer not there?
on Love by NinjaPoet 29 Jan 2003, 9:34 PM
nice bit. Is it a poem? Sure, if you say it is. But whats Sturgis?
replying on a poet in the city by Bill Z Bub 29 Jan 2003, 8:42 PM
Very nice,
but I'm not paid to be opening these boxes.
But still...
hrmmmm.
on A Puzzling Girl by Imperfections 29 Jan 2003, 7:17 PM
The second half is excellent.
replying on unsent by Bill Z Bub 29 Jan 2003, 7:07 PM
I tried it. Then got nervous and replaced it with something new. What say you?
on ending by Limness 29 Jan 2003, 7:04 PM
you will go on a long journey