Lyric № 38702
All I Feel
I can't sleep so I sit and watch you
lying upon my bed asleep,
covered only by the darkness
and my partly twisted sheet.
You look so calm, so content
that I dare not even breathe,
for fear that if I do
the beauty would surely leave.
Your face is gently bathed
in the moons flourescent beams,
and shows no indication
of the content of your dreams.
Your body slowly moves
and invades my side of the bed,
and I watch in fascination
as you slowly move your head.
From outside the bedroom window
the noise continually drifts on in,
and the lights from passing cars
gently dance upon your skin.
I have never known such beauty
as that which rests 3 feet away,
who seems to grow even more so
untouched by the light of day.
At times watching you is like a dream
something totally unreal,
it is then with thoughts like this
I realise the amount of all I feel.
I'm lying beside you now
and you have your arms around me,
I hear your heart and feel your warmth
and fall asleep listening to you breathe....
10 comments
in the moons flourescent beams,
and shows no indication
of the content of your dreams."
But you lost me with the awkwardness of
"I have never known such beauty
as the body lying on my bed 3 feet away,
who seems to grow even more so
when touched by the light of day."
How about: "I've never known such beauty
as that which rests 3 feet away.
You seem to grow much more so,
untouched by light of day.
"gently dance upon you skin." 'your' was probably what you were shooting for. Why three foot? try closing that gap to inches.
Bad knews though...read Eros and Phsyche.
for expample: falling = caducus
beautiful = endymion (who was a beautiful young man loved by the moon).
It may or may not give you a little inspiration.
Please read tintagiles work hes a great poet who paints the scene enchantedly, i guarantee you'll like the one about the bare breasted maiden beneath the moonlight.
Like the poem, it is one of your best.
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