| Re: The Eye by Enki |
10-Jul-03/4:27 AM |
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I wouldn't bother with the rhyme. This poem pretends to be profound then rhymes dashing and gnashing. It just seems a bit daft
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| Re: TPBOD Joins a pack of wolves by Luzr |
10-Jul-03/9:55 AM |
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oh I thought this was quite good
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Jul-03/12:04 PM |
really I think you need to think about what you feel seperate to anyone else and your communications will be more effective.
things like heartache are just blanket terms, they mean nothing
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| Re: SANATORIUM by Tahlia |
12-Jul-03/12:07 PM |
quite simple but clear with a few interesting lines
I think to say minds are jailed in madness is not warranted. And if it is you have not argued it
overall pleasant though
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Jul-03/12:13 PM |
a bit jargonised I think (soul mind eternity etc). And the flow is a bit off which is important for a lyric/ode.
and you don't believe you are dead? I think descarte sorted that one out a while ago
overall better than a lot
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-Jul-03/12:26 PM |
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I quite like thone word style, but is this really the insight of an addict?
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| Re: In the Vicinity of Dreams by Blue Magpie |
13-Jul-03/6:18 AM |
very good.
A complete poem gentle 'the vicinity of dreams' is kind of modern too
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| Re: Optimism, pessimism and my quarter theory by INTRANSIT |
13-Jul-03/1:28 PM |
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quite, and isn't saying half empty stating that it has been emptied to half its amount. And showing concern for its half emptiness?
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| Re: SILENT ECHOES by Tahlia |
14-Jul-03/8:23 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jul-03/8:27 AM |
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I wish people wouldn't flash about words like insane. Writers are supposed to preserve language not demean it
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| Re: unsent by Bill Z Bub |
14-Jul-03/8:51 AM |
lots of non-sequitors on poemranker like 'give you my breath' the follow up about 'take it at midnight' made my day.
Good poem, tight
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| Re: My Goddess... by loneshadow29 |
14-Jul-03/8:53 AM |
lucid, but a bit saccharin and I cringed imagining you saying it to someone
not bad though
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| Re: Lullaby (Finding Peace) by Miggy |
14-Jul-03/8:56 AM |
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I think that was the effect you were going for
kind of soothing
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| Re: New Forms by Rodavlas |
14-Jul-03/8:58 AM |
yes nice little rhythm running through this
I'd get rid of hate....heat it seems to clah
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| Re: A Brand New Eye by EAger to Offend |
14-Jul-03/9:00 AM |
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third verse is the best, a pleasant read
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| Re: Acoustic by zzinnia66 |
14-Jul-03/11:27 AM |
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I like these little packaged thoughts. It is probably easier to make a whole out of such a small verse. But nevertheless you have done it perfectly
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| Re: thought & memory by Bill Z Bub |
15-Jul-03/3:42 AM |
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nice fast flow and good word selection. I prefer verses 2 and three, the first uses surfaces that appear quite decadent
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| Re: Memoirs of a Monk - St. Screamer by SupremeDreamer |
15-Jul-03/3:44 AM |
quite like the occult/religeous wordlplay. The end seems a bit obscure to me though
overall good
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| Re: The War and Dance of The Undertaker by OnTheOtherHand |
15-Jul-03/3:47 AM |
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some nice lines 'pension for your chore' etc but rather a lot of plain narrative to tell the story. Much to commend though
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| Re: Death In The Cherry Brook Nursing Home by scitz |
15-Jul-03/7:22 AM |
Sid isn't a bastard, bereft of innocence and idealism he has embraced pragmatism. This happens in old age.
oh yeh and poem is good too
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